The Heart Of A Kpop Idol

Chapter 1.1

Chapter 1

The first time I looked into his blue eyes I denied my love for him. I never loved a boy before and I wasn't thinking about ever going to accept the feelings I had for him. I thought it must've been because I liked his music. Subconciously I looked up more of his music video's and bought an album. From one album came another and my room started filling itself with posters. I told nobody about it, scared of their reactions. I even put on a mask to cover half of my face when I first went to his concert.

I still denied my love for him, I made myself believe that I liked his blue lences, and he looked less beautiful without them. Of course that wasn't true, considering I had no poster of him with his blue lences at all.. but I tried to keep myself from accepting the side people would be disgusted by.

It took me a long time, but after a few months I told my closest friends that I am a fan of him. They told me that they were oke with it and didn't think any of it. I didn't tell them that I liked him, because it "wasn't true" at that time.

The first time I went to their fansign was a disaster, I was so nervous and scared that I didn't know what to do. Fans were screaming his name together with the names of the other group members while I was shaking the whole time.

"PARK CHUNGHOOOOO~ I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH!!"

I always wished I'd be that person screaming his name, but I was too afraid to do so.

"I LOVE F-ACTIVE SO MUCH!!"

"MIN HYUN KI PLEASE MARRY ME OR I'LL SUE YOU!"

"GONG TAE KWANG YOU ARE SOOOO HANDSOME!"

Obviously I wasn't the only one who would give my heart to one of them when needed, I'd give my everything if I had to. But all those fans screaming their lungs out for them made me feel alone, and that was the day I finally realised my feelings for Park Chungho.

The moment I went towards my icons for the fansign, my heart was bouncing in my chest. I was suddenly really afraid but also excited at the same time. I held the album close to me and walked up to the first one who would sign my album; Han Joo-wan.

He smiled at me as he signed my album and talked to me for a bit. I don't even remember much of the conversations because he grabbed my hands and told me he was happy to see me. I blushed and nodded, going on to the next person when we were done talking.

The next person was Gong Tae Kwang, and after that was Park Chungho. I looked over to his side for a second and locked eyes with him. My heart started bouncing very hard and I couldn't move anymore. I started panicking and noticed I couldn't breath anymore. Everything suddenly turned back and the only thing I heard before I was out was someones scream.
That day I had a heart attack.

When I woke up I wasn't sure what had happened. I thought I had just fainted from my excitement and didn't expect to be laying in the hospital much less did I expect to hear the words "Jeon Heesun, please stay calm. You have been hospitalised because of a heart failure." They didn't directly tell me this, they waited for me to feel a bit better first. I was quite shocked at this news.

The weird thing was the fact that the heart attack didn't shock me the most, the thing that shocked me the most was the album that was fully signed on the bedside table and the letter that wished for me to get well soon, signed by Park Chungho and he even put a little heart next to it with another signature and my name.

The hospital did a few tests on me to find the cause of my heart failure, but my mood couldn't be downlifted because of the letter. It was the next day however, when my life was shattered to pieces