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"I'm going to block you, on everything, even your number. I think this is the best way for us to both to heal and get on with our lives. I'm sorry. Goodbye Lauren."

"Wait, Jax, wait. Can you say it just one more time? I don't care if it's a lie, can you please just say it one more time..?"

"Won't that just hurt you even more?"

"No no I promise, it's fine, please just one more time."

"I love you, Lauren, I love you so much. Sleep well. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Jax. Thank you."

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It's 6:30am and I wake up to my alarm going off and my brother knocking on my door saying I need to get up for school. My last first day of high school, I still can't believe I'm a senior. I'm up and dressed in less than five minutes because I'm obviously wearing my cheer leading uniform, all the best girls are wearing them to school today. Everyone is texting me good morning, my makeup is perfect, I feel amazing, and nothing could ruin my day at this rate. "The keys are in the car, I washed it so it's good to go." "Thanks Charlie. Heard anything from Dad lately?" His expression told me he didn't want to ruin my day so early so I just grabbed my backpack and headed out. "Have a good day at work, Charlie, I'm headed to school." he just waved as I walked out.

"Hey Lili, I'm on the way to your house, be ready so we can grab coffee on the way."

"Will be outside the house am ready, lets go"

Half the cheer squad was at Starbucks by the time we got there so there was lots of squealing when we walked through the doors. "Lauren! Lili! OMG it's our last first day I'm going to cry!" "Oh calm down Sasha, you're such a drama queen." "Well yeah, it's my personality." I low key felt really bad for the baristas because we were being so obnoxious so early in the morning but it quickly slipped my mind when Jenn walked through the door. I had been super low key in love with her since middle school; long tan legs led up to her perfectly sculpted abdomen and then up to her c cup chest, finally her luminous green eyes and long wavy black hair. Her smile had the ability to stop my heart mid beat, but I could never tell her of course. No one knew I was pansexual, not in this town, I would be kicked off the team and shunned. Jenn would never return my feelings in a million years anyways.

"Hey Lauren." "Hey Jenn. You look great." "Well duh, I have an image to uphold." Her laugh sent butterflies sputtering through my chest. "Nah I'm just kidding, thanks though. You look great too." "Uh wow thanks Jenn." She soon moved off, greeting the rest of the squad as she had greeted me. I tried so desperately not to watch her so I busied myself with Becky, the hot idiot, every squad has at least one, right? She rambles on and on without answers so I didn't need to focus much on what she was saying and my mind quickly drifted to my father.

My and Charles' mother killed herself three and a half years ago when she had miscarried her seven month old boy. The depression set in quickly and there was no reaching out to her. Soon after her funeral, our father signed the house over to Charles with the promise that he would still pay all the bills but needed some time away. We hadn't heard from him in almost a year, sometimes he'd leave voicemails or send flowers to the house with a note saying he's doing fine but we haven't seen him in three years. Occasionally I'll let my mind drift and wonder where he is; adventuring some mountain trail, burying his sadness in some girl that's half his age, no one knows where he is except him.

Before I realized how long I had been daydreaming, Jenn is ushering everyone to their cars, "Being on time means being late, being early means being on time." A few teachers in the parking lot greeted us as we all pulled into the parking spots nearest the doors. I hopped up onto the hood of my shiny red Mustang GT500 and  I watched Jenn slide onto the hood of her matte black 2010 Camaro. She was so graceful and beautiful as she tossed her hair back over her shoulder and smiled. I smiled back at her until I heard the roar of her boyfriend Brad's truck; the loudest, tallest 2018 F250 in the damn town. I rolled my eyes as he went by, the truck drowning out any other noise. 

Once he parked, he jogged up to her and they basically started dry humping on the hood of her car. It made sense that they were together: the gorgeous head cheerleader always dates the "hot" muscular blond quarterback. Blah blah he wasn't even that hot, definitely not hot enough for Jenn but whatever. They'd been dating for the entirety off high school so far so he must be better than his looks. The bell rang, interrupting my daydream in which I replaced Brad with myself, imagining that it was my hands trailing up her legs to her ass and that it was my mouth on her neck but dreams will stay dreams for as long as I live.