I push the shot in injecting the drugs in my system, the drugs slowly draining into my veins, traveling though my blood and around my body. I sighed out as I felt myself come at ease with everything.
My eyes roll to the back of my head as a small grin is plastered upon my face. Everything felt right. Drugs were my escape from the daily abuse I received. Abandoned by my mom at two years old and coming out to my father at thirteen, from then on being degraded for who I am and punished severely throughout the day. School was no better, I was bullied and called names, beat up, scarred from my own self harm, everywhere I went everyone was abusing me, even my self.
Cutting served no purpose, it gave me no feeling of relief like it's said it's supposed to, it just makes me think of the people who hurt me and makes me think I'm just like them, hurting myself because I don't like who I am.
Drugs were the only relief I got in my life anymore, the feeling it gave me like I was floating, lifeless and painless. It was amazing, invigorating, a triumphant feeling as if I was the only one that mattered, no one else but me, no problems, no judgment, no father to abuse me where love is supposed to be displayed, no classmates that were supposed to be my friends that instead hurt and insulted me. There was nothing but drugs now.
I wasn't completely happy with who I've come to be, that drugs are the only thing that can take away the pain, but no ones there for me, I have no one but drugs to turn to, be my shoulder to cry on, the one I talk to late at night, my only friend, the only one there for me.
My eyes were heavy with sleep, I closed my eyes as darkness took over, engulfing me in a comforting nothingness, to sleep and wake up to reality, to the hell that was my life.
~•~
I woke up at the yell of my father telling me to get ready for school. I brushed my teeth, changed, and headed downstairs to be greeted with a stumbling man who was my dad. He came over to me roughly pushing me to the side telling me to go to school as he tumbled up the stairs to go to bed.
I walked out the door, skipping breakfast due to the drugs taking away my appetite like it takes away the pain. It does so much good for me.
I walked up the steps of the school, pushing open the doors and walking to my locker where "FAG" was written across it. I ignored it and opened it to take my books and leave for class. People would purposely push me around while calling me names, insulting me, laughing at my misery, at my pain.
I sat down at the back of the class, taking out my text book along with a notebook and pencil, ready for class to start. I wasn't terrible at school, I quite enjoyed learning what classes had to offer, but due to the bullies in my life all I want to do is be with my drugs.
Throughout half the day the tormenting had come to an alarming point where I couldn't handle it anymore, I walked out of the lunch room where people were walking past my table of one just to throw food at me.
I walked to the bathroom, picking off the scraps of food from my clothes and hair. I dug through my pockets taking out a sack of powder in a small plastic bag. I lined some up on my hand and snorted it up my nose, my headache, pain and humiliation now nothing but a memory that didn't matter.
I walked out into the hallway, head down with my hands stuffed in my pockets. I was going towards my sixth period class as I suddenly came into contact with a soft but quick paced surface, knocking me down to the floor, the drugs flying out from my pocket onto the floor on full display.
I quickly scrambled for the small baggie, stuffing it back in my jeans and walking away.
I felt a soft tug at my shoulder catching my attention and turning me around, I expected a hard punch to the face or a derogatory slur coming my way, but was faced with a short boy asking me if I was okay.
His big doe eyes staring into my dark dilated ones, beautiful golden brown hair swooped to the side with tinted red cheeks. Petite figure, wearing cute black shorts with a yellow t shirt and black converse to tie it all together, he looked comforting and sweet, like my drugs.
I told him I was fine and asked how he was in return. We stayed in the halls just talking to each other, making small talk that lead to us going outside at the sound of one of the bells and taking a seat at the steps continuing our conversation.
We soon heard the last bell of the day as students walked out of the school going home. I stood up holding my hand out for Ethan to grab, I lifted him up and he blushed from the short physical contact we shared.
He asked me if I wanted to come over his house, I agreed and we headed over to his car, driving to his house he seemed nervous, I was too but just didn't show it. Ethan was the first to treat me nicely and make me feel something different from any one else could. He made me feel loved, cared for.
We got to his house, turning the car off as I ran out opening the door for him as he blushed and thanked me. He walked up to the door, turning the key and pushing the door open to reveal a beautiful house with an inviting scent of lasagna and cookies.
"Ethie honey is that you!" I'm assuming his mother called. "Yeah, it's me" Ethan hugged his mother as she planted a kiss on his small head and ruffled up his hair a bit. "And who is this?" She asked as she extended a hand out to me. "I'm Grayson, Ethan's friend" "Well nice to meet you Ethan, I'm Lisa, Ethan's mom"
She offered us some lunch to eat which we gladly accepted. The food was amazing, a nice home cooked meal I've never had a chance to experience until now. I always ordered out or got some tings from the store. Never enough money to go out somewhere nice or spend the money on ingredients to make something for myself.
We finished up our food, heading upstairs to Ethan's room. We got in and Ethan just plopped down on his bed with a loud sigh as he rubbed his little tummy, yawning in tiredness as he turned to his side shutting his eyes as his breathing got loose and relaxed.
I laid down behind him draping me arm around his small waist, he grasped his arm around mine and snuggled back into my torso. I smiled lightly and kissed the top of his head as he drifted off to sleep with calm-easy breaths, little snores coming from his button nose as his lips were parted slightly.
Ethan meant so much to me already, he made me feel like I mattered, like I could do anything, be anyone, empowered, filled me with a sense of dominance, a need to protect him and love him, treat him with all the good I never received, like he was my everything, because right now that's what he was. Everything to me.
He was my new drug I couldn't get enough of, I was addicted.
~•~
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