The Journey

Chapter 1

** Authors note: ok guys so this is my first stab at this. I have been wanting to write this story for a while and I'm not 100% sure what I'm even doing but I hope you like it! This is fiction but drawn from some personal issues in my own life so it is definitely very personal to me. I hope you enjoy what I have so far and hope to update more soon **

Have you ever wondered why when someone is about to give you bad news they always start off by saying " I don't know how to tell you this but.." Really? You were suddenly rendered incapable of speech or do you just think that phrase is somehow going to soften the blow?
I remember my junior year of college my mother called me on a Sunday afternoon to tell me my cat Iggy had died. My parents had been up the day before to watch me dance at the football game but she was afraid to tell me in person because she didn't want to upset me. Instead she waited till the next day to call me and tell me and the first sentence out of her mouth was " I don't know how to tell you this but.. Iggy died".
I know what you must be thinking who names their cat Iggy? But more importantly wouldn't telling me my beloved child hood pet had died be better in person than over the phone? I don't know why these thoughts were running through my mind as I sat in the cold exam room of Dr. Garner's office. I guess when those familiar words came out of her mouth I just sort of zoned out.
"Miss Baker, did you hear what I said?"
" What?" I croaked out, Dr, Garner cleared her throat her face shrouded in sympathy or pitty I wasn't sure which.
" Allison your MRI showed you have a small brain tumor in the right frontal lobe of your brain. It's called an Astrocytoma. The good news is we caught it early. We will have to run some more tests but our first course of action would be to remove the tumor as soon as possible."
I stared at her blankly, I couldn't process what she was saying. I stood up and collected my purse and started for the door.
" Allison, you need to sit down so we can discuss this". But I was already out the door and running down the hallway. I don't think I had even taken a breath until I pushed the doors open leading to the parking lot. I gasped and bent over my hands on my knees. Is this what hyperventilating feels like? I suddenly felt nauseous, bile rising in my throat. My mind was racing, I was only 35 years old how could I have a brain tumor ? I walked cautiously to my car, my stomach churning. I'm not really sure how I drove myself home I just remember walking in the door and throwing my self down on my bed. Suddenly everything went dark.

I woke up several hours later my head throbbing and my mouth dry. I padded down the stairs to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. I took a long sip and stared at the clock on the stove, 2:30 am. Had it all been a dream? No it was most definitely not a dream . How was I going to tell my parents , would I lose all of my hair? I guess I should have really stayed and talked to Dr. Garner but I was just too overwhelmed.

Suddenly the glow of my laptop caught my eye and I walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. I opened face book and scrolled through my news feed. Somehow people's latest workout challenges and baby pictures were not as appealing as they normally would be. I went to the search bar and typed in the first thing that came to my mind Scott Walker.
I don't know what made me do it maybe I just hadn't had enough torture for one day. Suddenly there he was with her smiling back at me in his profile photo. His light brown hair and hazel eyes and that same dimple in his right cheek. I could almost smell him , like cotton and cinnamon and an earthy smell that always made me weak. I slammed the computer shut. Get your shit together Allison, you obviously have more important things to deal with. I walked slowly back up to my room and changed into my sweats. I had not bothered to  change and was still wearing my crumpled work clothes from earlier today. I crawled into my bed, pulled the covers up over my head and for the first time that day I cried.