Behind His Life

7

I wake up to Parker crying, I go to the nursery and pick her up and walk to the rocking chair and rock her softly in my arms.

She stops crying as soon as she hears my voice that makes her calm and my skin crawl. When she goes back to sleep I go back to mine and Anna's bedroom and Anna says
"Otis".
I close my eyes and say,
"It's me honey, Parker wanted a cuddle".

A few hours later I wake up in a cold sweat because I had a dream that was horrible. I called Chester immediately because I had a nightmare that he died and when I heard him on the other end of the phone I asked him if he wanted to meet for coffee and I would pick him up.

When I pulled up to Chester's driveway I opened the door I seen him and he ran and hugged me almost knocking me over but that is his personality.

When we go to Starbucks for a coffee or should I say I go for a cup of hot water. I made sure that I knew that he was alright.

I know that I was being paranoid but who knows me being paranoid might mean something one day. I know that Chester didn't think that I was crazy for that but I did.

Brad calls a band meeting about the next tour and I can feel my mind go backwards at the thought. Leaving Anna alone with one four year old and two newborns.

I know that I go on tour for the music but I want to provide for my babies. I felt very bad when Otis was a baby and I feel the exact same or even worse with Berlin and Parker because they are too young to understand where daddy went.

The tour was scheduled and I packed my bags and cried my eyes out to Anna because I felt so bad but I had to go on tour and that this was the hardest part of it all, the nights missing each other looking out the window believing the illusion that the world outside our windows would connect us somehow.

*A week later*
Chester noticed me in some kind of funk and he wants to ask me what is wrong but he knows, I miss my family and the guilt is tearing me apart.

He knows this because he have been through this before, we all really have been through this before with our own babies.

Chester welcomed Lily and Lila in 2011 and went through something similar to me but he says I am allowed to be worried and Joe tells me that he feels similar with his daughter Lola.

The last time I have felt this bad was when me and Anna welcomed Otis during a break on tour and I had to go back on tour a few weeks later.

Back to 2013, I'm feeling bad but not really sick bad but that guilty that I should be committing a crime but I am just a dad in a big rock band feeling guilty about missing his family and is a little homesick for his wife and kids but at the same time I love being on stage.

I know that I am being a normal father but I can't help but think i'm crazy.

*I'm sorry for the way that I explained Mike's nightmare*

Chapter Management