Lake

Mind over Matter

           I wake up slinging my body out of bed. I turn to look out my window the sun barely kissing the side of my patio down stairs. "Shit!" I stepped in strawberry jam. I gotta stop eating so late. It had been such a long night of painting and redesigning my new loft and I just needed coffee asap. I walk down the hallway to my stairs rubbing the jam on my unfinished flooring leaving trails of red as I reach the stairs. Why did I even choose a loft with stairs anyways. As I walk down these never ending steps my eyes start to blur and the feeling of that night. That night, which takes all my strength out of my body just thinking about it. The night at the lake.

I blink once and my vision seems to be in working order but my steps were taken further than I thought, leaving me infront of the glass door leading me to my backyard. Just standing there wondering how dazed I really was "I need coffee...what in the hell" spoken in a whisper, mouth dry and saliva thick. Just before turning to the kitchen I peer outside for only a moment to see a small child, male it seems, infront of the trees that led into the forest beyond. He looks so pale and weak. "Why is there a boy in my yard what in the fu--" I suddenly froze. The fear glazing over my bloodshot crusted eyes. "I don't..." As the fear keeps building and my capabilities of blinking lessening I look over to the side of the boy to see a wooden sign, old and molding with the words "Lake Wantanabe".

I shut my eyes hard letting the crust from sleep stab the inmer corners of my eyes as I peel from the glass ahead of me. "This can't be. I have been taking the medicine. I see Dr. Shields 3 days a week. I go to group sessions FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Next thing I know my ankle hits the corner of the couch and I fall back finally opening my eyes to see where I land. On my ass...I landed on my ass. The realization that I opened my eyes set in panic and I shot up to my knees to see if he, I mean the boy was still there. He was gone and that what sounded like a snare drum in my chest cooled to a slow base drum.

I stand up shaking and manage to stumble over to my bathroom down stairs where my medicine was. I pop open the cap and poor it into my hand. Taking 4 days worth into my system by this point. There was something I forgot....only I can't seem to put my finger on it just what it was. I leaned on the sink and turned on the water popping all 4 pills into my mouth and scooping in water from the sink to swallow it letting the rest drip from my elbows. Taking a big gulp and a deep breath I pick myself up and brush my hands through my hair. Not only am I a capable women, I am stronger then this bull! Turning to leave there he was....Keegan. The boy, THAT! boy.

My heart stops and I slip back. I turn my head for a moment to see why I slipped. I guess I did not see the water I spilt on the floor. "Damn tile..." I sputtered as my head hits the sink and I drop to the floor. Only being able to look out of the corner of my eye my vision fading, heart racing I see his feet. Those slimey, muddy, greasy feet. Just standing above me. He wasn't even looking down at me, just ahead. Still as pompous as ever. I fade into black and it is still fresh in my dreams. The night Keegan Lerousse died.

I was young, at camp wantanabe for the summer and I was alone. Trying to make friends, I met him. He said he would be my friend, but he lied! THEY ALWAYS LIE! so I pushed him. I confronted him and I pushed him into a tree. The flashes of a young girl pushing this boy into a tree. That tree which had sharpend edges and had pierced Keegan in the skull. I knew it hurt him and I kept pushing. He bounced just like a basketball against the now bloodied spike from the trunk of the tree. The image fades but just before it fades completely I take look at myself, I had a smile on my face. Almost as if I found a new way to achieve happiness.

Now black and beginning to blur into what looks like my bathroom his tiny legs still infront of me I look up and this time he is staring straight at me. His eyes lifeless his expression saddened. I noticed one thing more, I was smiling. I was dieing. The smile I had at the moment of his death. It carried onto my face from my dreams. " Oh the blood seems to be getting everywhere" choking I continue "..on my new tile" blood spit up running down my cheek. " you...you d-d-didnt want to bu bu be my friend". My eyes start to fade once more but I knew quickly it was not going to just be a memory this time. I close my eyes completely, ready. The smirk never leaving my face. "I remember now, how much joy fills me when I think of that night".