Strings Attached - a There and Back Again side story

Part 35

Thirty-Five: Nathaniel

They fell asleep entwined, the soft sound of Leliana's breathing lulling him to sleep. He'd held her as she nodded off, and he'd wanted to tell her he loved her, and he didn't. But she was naked and vulnerable in his arms...and tomorrow was another day. Another chance at bravery.

He should have felt guilty at the mental image of her riding her route, stiff and sore from their exertions...but he couldn't bring himself to feel anything but smug. Mind you, he was pretty sure his legs would still be shaking in his meeting with Cailan in the morning, too.

They reached for each other in the night, as new lovers often do; the memories of her rear pressed to his groin, her back arching underneath him as she babbled demands for more and harder and don't stop, were something he'd take with him to his deathbed.

He woke when the first light of dawn pierced the sky, slightly brightening the interior of the tent. They'd shifted during the night, so he was spooned behind her, his arms wrapped tightly around her, one of his hands cupping a bare breast. He wasn't sure what had woken him, but even with her hair in his face she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

He'd blinked only a couple of times when he realised she was smiling at him over her shoulder almost shyly.

"Good morning, my Lord," she whispered, lips quirking at the title she knew he hated.

"Good morning, Scout Leliana," he replied, before pulling her closer, clumsily, and kissing her thoroughly. They both had morning breath, and bed head, and they were twisted awkwardly so they could reach, and he didn't care, taking the kiss deeper and groaning as she sucked his tongue briefly before biting his bottom lip playfully.

He broke off with a gasp, rolling his eyes at the self-satisfied grin on her face when he touched his tender lip. She stuck her tongue out at him, and though he tried to stifle it, he couldn't help the laugh that rumbled out of him, deep and resonant. Her eyes lit up at the sound, and she rolled towards him, plastering her ear to his chest to feel the vibration as he guffawed.

When she peeked up at him, her expression was...besotted, was the only word he could think of to describe it. He knew his answering smile would be equally loopy, and he shook his head slowly. "You undo me." He stared at her, aware of her curvy body in his peripheral vision but enraptured by her alluring face, her stunning eyes, her adorable nose, her full lips drawn back in a dazzling smile.

He should have said it then, too, but he didn't. And then someone outside sneezed, and they both jumped as though they'd been zapped by a mage's lightning spell, and the moment was lost.

"I have to go," Leliana whispered, reluctantly peeling herself out of his arms, stretching sinuously before getting up to search for the dress she'd dropped somewhere on the floor of the tent.

"Why?" He sat up, frowning. "Your route shouldn't start for—"

"That's not it." She spied the dress several feet further away, and scurried over to it. "It will be too difficult to sneak away later, yes?"

"Leliana..."

She picked up the swath of fabric and straightened, smiling at him, her face showing no signs of the distress he could feel suddenly roiling in his belly.

"It's alright, Nathaniel. This is your tent anyway. I arranged for mine to be set up with the other messengers – I need to be seen coming and going from it if we're—"

He leaped up from the blankets still naked, crossing the tent in a single moment, pulling her into his arms before she could finish.

"No."

He felt her stiffen in his arms, but she didn't pull away. He closed his eyes and held her tighter.

"No?"

"No." He released her just enough to see her face, but kept his hold on her tightly – too tightly. "No hiding. No sneaking. No secrets."

She raised one eyebrow artfully. "But, Nathaniel..."

He ran one hand through his hair roughly but refused to let her go. "I know. I know what I said. I know what you think you'll do to my reputation." He sighed and pulled her close again, pressing their foreheads together. "I don't care. If anyone in the world can protect themselves from the target I put on their back, it's you. I don't have a reputation to ruin; my marriage prospects within the Fereldan nobility are already nonexistent – and no one who sees you, or knows you, will blame me for falling for you anyway. Aedan already knows – and I'm sure Cailan's guessed – and they don't care."

He paused to rub his long nose against hers softly. "I am not ashamed of this. Of you. I'm honoured to be with you. If you'd let me, I'd shout it from the rooftops. I love you, Leliana, and I don't care who knows." He took a deep breath. "Unless you don't feel the same. I know that people will look at you differently for being with me. If you'd rather keep it a secret for your own reasons..."

"No," she blurted. "No."

His shoulders dropped, his stiff frame relaxing as he released a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "Thank the Maker," he muttered, and then he was kissing her, again and again, unrestrainedly. Her arms went around his back, and he weaved his fingers through her hair with one hand as he stroked her spine with the other, the dress pressed between them, all but forgotten.

"Come back to bed," he cajoled. "Please?" He pulled the fabric of the dress out and tossed it back where she'd found it, then shifted his grip to her hands, pulling her gently back towards the nest of blankets where they'd spent the night.

She frowned at him, but her lips were struggling not to turn up at the sides, and she followed him willingly. "I'm keeping my own tent," she informed him.

"Absolutely. You should have somewhere private to go if you need it." He tugged her hands down as he knelt.

"Or if you do." She smoothed the skeptical eyebrow that rose at her words. "This is still new, and we may need space." She knelt beside him, going willingly into his arms, closing her eyes as he kissed her again. Things were quiet for a few minutes as they just relished being together.

Nathaniel didn't know where this would lead; he had no crystal ball, and Sierra had once told him he and Leliana had never even met in her game. He didn't care; he'd do whatever he must to make the bard happy, to keep her with him. He couldn't even contemplate the alternative; one night in her arms, and he never wanted to sleep alone again. It hadn't escaped his notice that she hadn't responded to those three little words he'd dropped on her, but it didn't matter – he'd be there with her until he'd earned them, or die trying.

They spent the early morning in bed, exploring and touching and feeling and talking; he knew they should have been resting, but he couldn't seem to stop – and her eager hands and lips told him sleep was the furthest thing from her mind as well. Finally they could wait no longer – she had a route to ride, and he was expected in a meeting with Cailan any moment.

Letting her go, getting themselves dressed and watching her leave his tent was the hardest thing he thought he'd ever do.