Blame It On Me (RK800 + RK900)

Blame It On Me

Blue met brown, and Connors hand reached up to touch the others face.

It had all been so perfect. The start of something that Connor came to rely heavily upon in his times of need. The steady shoulder of his superior there when he blamed himself for everything. Conrad was there to help with his self-destructive tendencies. When he was too far in his mind and he couldn't escape. Sometimes Conrad would probe his memory, with consent of course. And he'd look so sad, promise Connor he could make it better. That nothing Connor did was really him.

Connor didn't believe him. But he appreciated the effort.

Then, one day they were walking down an alley. And then Connor was against the wall with Conrad pressing against him and they were kissing. Connor felt dizzy as he kissed back because he had wanted this for so long. Knowing that Conrad felt the same towards him?

Connor had a bit of self-worth for the first time ever. If he mattered to someone then he was worth something surely? The thoughts stopped, the ones that crept in and tormented him. The ones that reminded him of how heartless and cruel he was. A monster.

Conrad was cradling him on a particularly hard night. Those lifeless eyes, the thirium. It coated his hands and then his arms and then his body and then he was choking and it was agony. Connor had never felt pain, but he knew this was it. The blood crept into his mouth and ears and nose and he couldn't breath. He was gasping and calling for Conrad but no one was there. He could feel everything, he was crying because he was dying. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to leave Conrad.

Then he woke up with Conrad's blue eyes full of worry and pain because 'his baby boy was hurting and he wanted to fix it.' Connor curled up into the bigger of the two, sobbing as he told Conrad just how much he didn't want to die. How he wanted to live forever and ever and how he was scared of dying. Conrad tried to tell him something, but Connor just kept repeating the line over and over like a mantra. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. Conrad eventually gave up with whatever he was trying to say and instead whispered 'I know' over and over, tightening his grip on the broken soul as if desperately trying to piece him back together.

If only Connor had shut the fuck up. If he had just fucking listened. To what Conrad wanted to say. Then maybe Conrad wouldn't take the phrase so seriously. Because yes Connor had meant it. But..... fuck. Tears rolled down his face, his hand desperately reaching out for the familiar feel of another android. But to no avail. He was alone.

It was dark, the warehouse they were in wasn't exactly the best place but they had each other and that's all they could ask for. Conrad watched as Connor slowly went into sleep mode. The poor boy hadn't rested in so long. Conrad, though younger was somehow much older. Mentally, he was much more developed than Connor. Maybe because he hadn't seen what Connor had. He hadn't done what Connor had. He couldn't imagine Connor killing someone. A gun in his hand, something sinister in his eyes as he levelled it with someone's head. A far cry from the broken shell that was curled into his side now.

He lowered them both down, letting his eyes shut. He was supposed to be keeping watch, but he hadn't lay like this with Connor in so long, a second wouldn't be too bad. But a second turned into minutes, and his his body began to slow down preparing for sleep mode. Then a shot sounded.

It startled him so much that it took him a few seconds to react. He shoved Connor off of him, desperate to get them both out of there. Connor had just woken up, confused and disorientated. "Connor we have to go, now." But something was wrong. Connor couldn't hear right. The shot had been so close to him it had burst his auditory processors, his left ear was out of commission. Luckily enough he pulled himself together and then he realised what was happening.

Conrad's thirium pump broke when he saw the look of unadulterated terror in Connors eyes. He barely had time to roll them both out of the way as another round of shots went off too close for comfort. They began to run for the exit, Conrad was sure they were making it because there was no shots. The only sound for a few moments was Connors frantic breathing as he tried to escape with Conrad. But then loud bangs sounded all through the room and Connor was falling. Conrad lost his grasp on Connor as he continued to run, Connors screams for Conrad loud above the gunshots.

Conrad didn't have to decide. He went back without hesitation. A string of curse words left his mouth because his baby boy was hurt. His leg had been shot 3 times to be exact, thirium already bleeding through the clothes they had stole a while ago. Conrad hooked an arm around his waist as he desperately tried to get Connor moving. They were so close, he could feel the air on his skin.

But then the unmistakable smell of gas filled Conrad's nose and he had to decide. A scan showed they weren't going to make it. There was a 2% chance of survival and that fucking phrase cut through him like glass.

"I don't want to die. I don't want to die."

So Conrad did what he had to.

Connor was so fucking stupid. He hated himself. He hadn't had a proper rest in weeks. When he closed his eyes that scene played out before him. Conrad shoving him to the exit, body barrelling into him and the momentum propelling him forward. And Connor was out and he was so glad but he was looking back and Conrad was on the ground with thirium leaking from his chest and a crooked smile on his face. Then the bomb went off and that angelic face was surrounded by flames and then engulfed. Connor was screaming but it wasn't heard above the noise. He was crying and he thought he had felt pain in that dream but this?

This was so much worse because it felt like his pump had been ripped out and stomped upon. Him and words. His fears caused Conrad to die and that was entirely on Connor. This was all his fault.

Another body on his list. Those nameless androids and then that one android with the little girl on the highway and then Markus and now.... Conrad.

Connor had eventually left after days of combing the rubble trying to find Conrad. Nothing was left. He had to leave because humans showed up and like a frightened animal he ran with his tail between his legs. So now he sat where it all began. In an empty crate with questionable substances found inside. Dark and unforgiving. Surrounding him in a suffocating blanket of pure hatred. The silence knew what he had done. And it wanted him dead.

He wanted himself dead. He had a gun. He couldn't remember when or how he had acquired it but he had it. One bullet. He should make it count.

If he squinted hard enough he could still make out those eyes on the darkness. The way they shone mirrored the first encounter of the two. Connor muffled a sob, but then a torrent of sobs attacked his frail body and he was shaking. His form racking with wails. He needed Conrad. To hold him and tell him everything was okay. To quiet him and rock him and kiss his forehead. He blinked and Conrad was beside him smiling and looking down on him and he was so so beautiful.

Connor was crying and bloody from injuries that he hadn't thought about treating. He looked into those eyes and reached out, desperately wishing for it to be real but knowing he was only lying to himself.

He told himself that he wasn't afraid of death. Not if Conrad hadn't been. Conrad had been there for him and what had Connor done to repay him? Got him killed. So he lay down beside Conrad, grabbed the gun and cocked it. He put it under his chin, his eyes scrunching shut as his hand shook, fumbling for the trigger.

Who was he kidding, he was terrified of death. But he got to see Conrad. And that was all the motivation he needed.

The gunshot echoed through the crate, the gun clattering to the floor as the hand that held it hung limp, thirium leaking from the androids head.

All was silent once again.