I Am Not Your Perfect Muslim Daughter

Chapter One

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Shayma

I lower my gaze as Jasper walks into the dining room taking a seat opposite of me. He lowers his gaze as his mother passes him a plate filled with lamb stew to which he begins eating without one glance towards me. It pains us that we both have to go through every dinner on Sundays without a glance or even a simple exchange of words. But at least under the table, there are no eyes to see his legs tangled with mine or even our hands intertwined when we sit beside each other which rarely happens.

"Jasper," I look up when I hear my dad call his  name with what seems like a smile in his voice. ''are you still planning on going uni?''Sometimes I almost forget that under that smirky face with so many charms has a dream of attending University for a diploma in social science (policing). I also can't believe it's our last year as seniors in Westfield High. How fast does time go?

I turn my gaze over to Jasper who's already gotten a big smile on his face as he puts down his spoon and leans back on the chair answering my dad's question.''Yes, sir.''

''Well, that's wonderful because I was asked by your principal to nominate a student for an university scholarship. And who better than you to receive the scholarship?'' A bit of me feels sad about dad not nominating me for the scholarship but also glad that his chosen someone like Jasper who deserves it more than anyone else. 

''That would be a dream come true for Jasper. Thank you, Ali.'' Mr Kennedy says with a joyful smile before Jasper could even open his mouth.

''That would be fantastic, Ali.'' Mrs Kennedy chimes in and smiles with such joy that her dimples are on display.

I look over to Jasper who's still trying to wrap his head around what just happened. He runs his hand through his hair showing signs that his nervous and uncomfortable for some unusual reason. But then he finally cracks a smile and looks over to my dad and says the three words with such happiness that the words sound like they were painted with the stars from the night sky. "Thank you, sir."

My dad nods and turns to Mr Kennedy continuing their conversation about a football match that aired on the TV last night. Mrs Kennedy turns to me about to say something when her phone rings. She excuses herself from the table and walks off to the living room with the phone against her ear and a smile that fades away as she disappears from sight.

The rest of dinner is spend with Jasper's legs tangled with mine and throwing each other looks when my dad's isn't staring at me.

               
                                                    ♧♧♧ ♧♧♧ ♧♧♧

I make sure the lights downstairs are off and that I can hear dad's loud snores upstairs before I text Jasper to come over.

Since we only live two streets away it wouldn't take him long, I only lie down for ten minutes staring at the ceiling before I hear a knock on my window. I walk over to the window with a smile on my face as I open it letting him climb in. The sight is the most aesthetic, i feel like we are Romeo and Juliet every night as that we spent together in each other's arms in secret.

"You look stunning, my darling." Jasper says in his out mastered posh English accent as he puts his arms around mine. 

"Well, so do you. " I say mocking his posh English accent that doesn't even match his anyhow.

"I love you too, darling." He brushes  hair from my eyes as he leans in for a kiss which we stay with our lips locked until he pulls away biting his lips. I can sense something is off about him, he paces around the room fidgeting with everything in his way.

"Jas,you alright?" I'm still standing on the spot watching him as he paces around the room.

"No," He answers as he moves over to the bed taking a seat, I walk over to him and sit on his lap as he runs his hand through his hair frustrated. "It's about the uni scholarship. I don't understand why your dad just threw it at me when you need it more than me."

"No," I shake my head. "It's been your dream, Jasper."

"I know, but what about you?"He asked still trying to convince himself I needed it more than him.

''Don't worry about me, Jas.'' I say pulling him closer whilst he buried his head into my neck kissing it.  We stay like that for a few minute before we pull away. Since, we both outlined our rules for our relationship that we wouldn't be able to share the same bed (it was my idea and he respected it ).  Every night, he makes his own bed on the floor using tons of blankets piled up together and a cute unicorn pillow shaped  I bought him for his birthday last year when I got uncomfortable sleeping with only one pillow.

When he finishes making his bed, he pulls his shirt over his head which gives me the indication that I need to turn around as he changes out of his clothes to his pajama shorts. We have our own rules in our relationship and most of them include privacy of each other.

Even thought dating in Islam is haram, we both still rule out certain things people do during dating to not cross the border of Islam. Having someone like Jasper who care so much about the borders I don't wanna cross makes dating seem less haram. And also makes me feel less guilty of the sin I'm comitting.

And like always before falling asleep, Jasper kisses me goodnight and goes back to his little small bed on the floor. Juliet and Romeo indeed that's what we are, Shakespeare couldn't have written a better play about forbidden love. The forbidden lovers lay under the same roof dreaming of a better future together.