Place for Us

Chapter Two: Oh God

Katniss POV

      I laid on my front lawn for hours, until my peace was interrupted by rain.  Despite it, I laid there for another twenty minutes just focussing on the feeling  of the rain drops hitting me dry skin.  As I begun to feel chilled, I rose from my spot in the grass and stared at my closed front door. 

    Within the confidments of my house, I was a dead girl, dead to the world, without a soul to assist her, up until today.  And I am not quite ready to return to that awful state of mind.  But I deserve it so of course, I eventually will. 

    I resolve to a walk into town.  As I slowly make my way through the victors village, I pretend as if I am stepping away from to confidments of my mind, at least for now.  At least for now I am free from grief, hatred, and saddness. 

    The walk into town isn't that long but it is excruciatingly painful.  All I picture is the fire and the explosion and the death.  I have to stop walking and shake my head to clear the images.  As I stand there, someone slightly bumps into my shoulder.  They probably barely even touched me but because of my hibernation, I am weak and it felt like a wreckingball hit me and I fell on my rear. 

    "Sorry," He grumbled.  He was a man maybe in his forties with chin length, greasy hair dark blond almost brown hair.  His breath reaked of liquor and he himself smelled foul, as if he hadn't shower in weeks, like myself. 

   As his back turned to me, he glanced over his should once, and quickly took a double take, stopping in his tracks. 

      "Katniss?" He asked, astonished. I would know that voice anywhere, I didn't even need him to turn around to know it was Haymitch.  

   I hadn't seen my mentor since I had arrived back in District 12, he was supposed to be my babysitter but being the drunk he was, the minute we returned, he slumped back into his house and he drank. 

    And I havnt seen high not hair of him since.  I hadn't replied so Haymitch took that as a no shit it's Katniss and said,

     "Look who finally emerged from their God foresaken den.  I hope you had enough alone time, because I just received a call from Dr. Aurelius.  He said you need to start answering his calls because he can't keep up pretending to be treating you, sooner or later he'll get busted.". I simply answered "Fine, but I'm not calling him."

       "Works for me, Sweetheart." There it is.  With that, he turned and walked back to his house.  As did I, but in the other direction, towards town. 

    As I walked, I listened to the birds and the rain on the concrete. I was looking straight ahead when I kicked something.  I looked down and took a few steps back and stopped.  What I had seen forced me to run to town rather than my earlier walking.  A group of bones. This unhinged me.  I realized now that going into town wasn't such a good idea.  Everywhere I look I see death and decay.  The buildings around the square are charred and falling in on themselves.  People are carting burned bones and people in wheel barrels to the mass grave in the meadow.  I mean it's not like I hadn't seen District 12 after the bombing already, but I haven't seen it in the state I'm in, which only seems to make it worse.  I am still looking at all the buildings around the square when my eyes fall on Peeta's family's bakery.  Hundreds of memeories, both good and bad, fill my mind, as if the floodgates of my mind broke into a million pieces.  I see his blue eyes and his shaggy blond hair, I hear his laugh and his voice, I feel his strong arms wrap around me.  I tear my eyes from the bakery and keep walking.  I miss him.  I miss him with my mind, my heart, my soul.  I miss him with my whole being.  I miss being around him and the way he makes me feel.  But I will never get him back.  I lost him the moment Beetee made us split up so Johanna and I could uncoil the wire. 

    And now he sees me for who I really am.  A destructive, harsh, selfish girl who did nothing but harm him.  He no longer loves me and I hate him for it. 

     Lost in thought, I look up and in at the train station.  The whistle blows from my left and I can see the incoming train.  It passes me and the wind whips my hair, not in it's usual trademark braid, around my face.  The trains slows to stop at the station, but I don't move from my spot.  The doors open and about ten people get off. But the doors stay open.  Then what seems to be the last person steps off. I see the blond hair and hard jaw of someone I thought I would never see again.  I'm frozen in my spot, if I wasn't I would have bolted a long time ago.  My eyes rise to his and I get lost in the blue of his eyes.  There is a mixture of emotions, confusion, relief, and I can slightly see hatred and rage but it is overriden by happiness.  Oh God, I'm not ready for this.  The last time I saw Peeta he wanted me dead and I don't think I can handle that.  The hijacking left him broken and deadly. He's not my Peeta anymore, and without even thinking, I turned and ran.  And he made no attempt to follow me.  Which hurt. I ran all the way to my house and slammed through the door.  He can't be back, not yet.  It must have just been my imagination.  No, I know Peeta when I see him.  But what would make him want to come back? Certainly not me, right?  No of course not, the capitol must have forced him to come back, but for some reason, I'm not quite certain.

     Greasy Sae emerged from my kitchen and asks, obviously annoyed by the racket I made, "Why do you have to come in here bumpin' and slammin', dear? What's got you all wound up?" "He's back," I replied.

   "Who's back, dear?" "Peet...P...Peeta." I said between breaths. 

   "So you saw him?" I nod.

   " Wait you knew we he was coming home? Why didn't you tell me?" She ignored my question and said,

" Suppers almost ready, why don't you go wash up?" I nod again and head upstairs. I grab some clothes, not caring if they match and I head into the bathroom.  I strip, not only my clothes but my skin.  It peels off my body, sticking to my clothes.  I'm disgusted by myself and refrain from looking at myself in the mirror. 

   I turn on the water and step in slowly.  The water cascades over my body and I picture it washing away my sorrows and not only the layer of grime that covers me.  It washes away my fear and depression, and I get lost in the feeling.