Following UTW: Collection of one-shots

Part Two

It was a beautiful day when he first brought it up.

I was finishing off my ice cream cone which seemed to be melting faster than I could eat it when he asked.

"Katniss, have you ever thought of what it would be like to... have a baby?"

I was so surprised I nearly choked on the ice cream. I must've misheard him. He couldn't just have asked me that. I said what first came to my mind.

"What!?"

Peeta sighed. He seemed to contemplate in his mind whether he should go on or give up on the subject, but after a few seconds of silence he finally dropped the bomb.

"I want to have a baby, Katniss. I want to raise a child with you."

I felt my breath begin to quicken, and I started to walk faster towards the nearest trashcan. Suddenly I had lost my appetite. Peeta seemed confused by my reaction, and pressed:

"Katniss, what's wrong? I'm sorry if I-"

But I cut him off.

"Peeta, I can't talk about this right now! I snap, maybe a little too harshly. Peeta flinches almost unnoticeably, but I did notice. I continue in a more even tone; "I need to process this."

We continue our walk home in silence, me walking a foot or so ahead of him, trying to clear my head. Peeta doesn't try to carry a conversation, he knows I'm feeling tense right now and that it would just irritate me. When we reach our front door Peeta unlocks it, and I march straight to the bathroom. It is the only place I know Peeta will leave me alone. I sit down on the toilet seat and put my hands on my temples. I knew this moment would come eventually. I knew the way Peeta felt about kids, I had seen how he used to treat our neighbors' children and even Prim. He worshiped the devilish little creatures. And yet I had been stupid enough to somehow close off the fact that he was someday going to tell me that he wanted children of his own. That he wanted me to stop taking those stupid pills and start trying for a baby with him. Still, I had ignored that knowledge.

And here I was. A grown up woman of twenty-six who has been happily married for six years, and never during that time has had a worry in the world. I have the perfect husband who worships me, we live together in an apartment in my childhood town close to my family and I am as happy as ever, and yet Peeta had the nerve to bring something up that he thinks we lack. I know I shouldn't blame Peeta in this, but I do. It was his stupid question, his stupid desire.

I don't even know where my opposion towards having a baby with Peeta comes from. I know that he wants a baby for all the normal reasons parents do, but all those reasons just don't appeal to me. I could never bring a child to this world. I would screw that kid up. And my mother is living proof of that. When my father died and she sank into a deep depression, I was lost. And I would never want my child to experience that. If something ever happened to Peeta, I can't guarantee the same won't happen to me. And then there would be no one to look after the child. Another fear comes from losing my father. The pain I felt for weeks, months, even years afterwards was unbearable. Sometimes it felt like I couldn't breathe because I was mourning him so deeply. I couldn't even imagine what the damage on a parent would be after losing a child. No, I can't have a baby. The risk is too great.

Now, the only thing left to do is to kill the hope in Peeta. Watch the light disappear from his eyes, the corners of his mouth slowly turning downward as I tell him.

And that is exactly what happens.

I try to tell him as delicately as I can, but not in a way that leaves him thinking that I might change my mind. Still, I can clearly see the small dancing stars of hope in his eyes slowly fade away when I tell him that I just can't, that I am too scared. He tries to reassure me that it's okay, that it wasn't that important to him anyway, but the broken smiles he tries to crack reveal him. He tells me how he loves me and how that's all he'll ever need, but with every passing second I feel worse. I don't think I've ever hated myself and my stupid feelings any more than I do right now. Why do I have to be so damn afraid? If I weren't, Peeta would be spinning me around in the air right now, smiling and laughing. Instead, he has withdrawn to our bedroom, after telling me he is tired and wants to go to bed early.

Oh, how I screwed this up.

A/N: Weeell, what do you think? Sorry for the wait once again. What do you think will happen in Katniss and Peeta's relationship after this? Will they kiss and make it all better? Or will they drift further apart? That will be clear in the next chapter you guys, so stay tuned.