Me and my feelings (English)

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Actually, if someone ask me to choose a song to express how I feel everyday, I would say "La Linea" from Dani Martín.

Talks about that line, that is to easy to pass, from happiness to sadness.
Before, I never thought I would end like this, I was a happy person that had nothing to worry about. But now, I know very well that line, I pass it many times in just one day. In this last year, I turned into a really sensitive person, even smallest stupid thing, can throw me into a deep depression.

All this started slowly since I'm in Instagram forming part of a big community, but I can't blame the community.
The day I joined it I was insecure, I was thinking "What if I start feeling the same with Google+ again? What if people ignore me again, what if It's not my site?"
But there I went, I created an account.
At first was nice, I met new people, I've been in groups... Then slowly I started to feel really ignored in the groups and I leaved many of them, but I kept my smile on and thinking "this is nothing, all is fine ^^", and many of that new people started leaving.
After it the next bad things came at same time. Me and my stupidity betrayed someone and made that person leave the community for some time, that night I was crying as crazy, how I could have done that? And she appeared, to help me, the last person I would hope to see, someone that I barely knew, and calmed me a bit. We started to talk and see we were similar, she even promised me that would be always there to help me no matter what and that gave me hope.
Stupid idiot...
The first lie came, she was not a girl, was a boy. Nothing happened, I didn't understand why he lied but I didn't care, for me he kept to be the same.
In that times I already felt too down, I was doing my help to hide that feelings, and it worked very well. Let's call this person Mike [random name]

One of those days, I found an acc of the character that was shipped with mine, but was not part of the community, she posted memes and pics of the charavter randomly, but well, me and my balls decided to talk her and we ended doing drp (dirty rol play).
After that she created another account, of the same character, but this time being part of the community.
[Note: I was the bitch of the community, my conversations were always or mostly always drp]
New people came, new friendships appeared, but my feelings didn't change.
Randomly I got down, wanting to disappear from there, but that feelings were sofocated by "Mike", who everyday recived me wanting to leave and saying that everything was shit, what made me forget my feelings and focus on help him.
In a try to keep him happy, I started to work as an alarm:
7:35am -> "Good Morning!"
2:15/2:20pm -> "I'm back from class!"
11:15pm -> "Good night~"
This, slowly turned into a obligation, cause if one day I didn't say him Good morning, or I'm back, or Good night, I got blamed and all turned against me making me feel the shittest person in this world.
At this time, in general, I was very lonely, and was then when i decided to leave that community, deleting my account with 1117 followers and near 400 posts.
What I've got? Someone supporting me and trying to bring me back, others wishing me good luck, and Mike blaming me and threatning me.
So I came back, this time posting my feeling throught lyrics in my stories
Slowly 2 guys putted their attention over me and tried to keep me happy, even if it's impossible.
In my new account I barely post and I stay in a lonely position, scared to meet new people that then would ignore me, leave me, lie me or just use me.
One of that nights happened. Honestly, I loved Mike over all, and one night he started calling me "piece of shit", saying that I'm a liar, that I don't know how to love, that he didn't want to see me anymore... And I started crying as a kid without his/her candy. After have me crying nearly 1 hour and 20min he said that I could calm down, that he did that to make me open my eyes, that I need to change, cause I never help him...
That generated a fear on me... Every time I turned on my phone I already wait for a problem, for drama, and he never failed in that. I stopped sleeping as before, now before fall asleep I buried my face every single day in my pillow and cried trying not to make any noise.

In some of the next days, someone that i respected leaved the community and soon, that girl that I knew in her random character account, would disappear too.

We are in December, I'm actually really quiet and I just talk to Mike, ignoring my need to get help and focusing on him
His bday is soon and I bought a present, even I sent it to a friend of him to give her as surprise.
He uses that present as tool to make me shit, saying that it doesn't mean anything to him, and again insulting me and saying that he would throw it to the trash.
I start talking about him with one of my best friends, that also was close to Mike, and we both tried to take all with humor.
I get angry with Mike feeling guilty and my relationship goes to the fucking shit (that now I discovered was false, one of those "poor one I'll date him")

Now I'm gonna be fast cause I don't want to stay up more time.
Welcome to 2018!
January- Mike leaves, he leaves me wuth a guilty feeling and all my feelings that I've been keeping away for him appear and fuck me. The girl that disappeared comes back, I fall in love and I date her
February- The day of my mother bday that girl leaves me for one of my friends. I have a really close friendship with other girl that slowly will make me fall in love and I'll turn in her dog, being she my owner. The day of my bday I decide to be happy and at 1:00am (only one hour of my birthday day) I already fuck up all and I decide to disappear the rest of the day
March- Start playing with my father's gun, also my "owner" is sunk on deoression and I decide to focus on her always that I can

I won't write more months, the rest had been me focusing in my owner; in my friend that was leaved too by the girl, in other friend more that I don't understand, and depends of how I'm, trying to help random people.

Now... I do 2 days since I decided to remake my life, trying to forget that people that never cared about me, without false friends, without owners, about to leave the community.

I still have to write a lot, about many things, this was like... The trailer.
I didn't tell many things...