I Don't Have a Choice, But I'd Still Choose You || A Rierra Fanfic

Chapter 16

Before going to work that day, Ramin saw a text on his phone from Hadley telling him about his last basketball game. That made Ramin smile a little to himself. He really missed his sons, but these updates about random stuff really helped him. His older son; Jaiden, would also send him messeges about stuff. They were mostly about fishing, which was his great passion in life. It was sad not to be there all the time and not seeing his children grow every single day. Ramin reminded himself to take time answering Hadley's massage nicely later, maybe even call him, and not just write "great, I'm proud of you!", as he walked out to his car. It was a sunny day Ramin observed again as he looked up at the cloudless sky, so he put on sunglasses, and did not regret that he chose a summery outfit this morning. The weather was surly strange sometimes, considering that it only was a day or two since that storm had been.

Walking into the rehearsals studio that morning Ramin saw that the sofa in the corner was empty. He wondered where Sierra was. Considering the fact that Ramin was early she probably hadn't come yet. His stomach was filled with nervous butterflies, today was the day he somehow would dare to ask her out. He knew that it was now or never. Sadly, he did not have a chance the entire forenoon. Warren, the director made Ramin run through Archibald's song to his son Colin too many times for his liking. But hard work was needed for perfection and Ramin knew that it was helpful for him when the director was almost harsh. The stricter and clear they were the more you could get done. After a successful but kind of boring working session and lunch, Ramin finally returned to the rehearsal studio with a star bucks coffee. Seeing Sierra in the sofa was the best moment of his day. He felt his smile grow big on his face when he walked over to join her.

- Hi, how's your day going? he said when he bumped down next to her.

She looked up at him with those beautiful green eyes, but something was different. She looked down at her knees again as soon as she had seen him.

- Sie? How's your day going? he tried again.

She seemed to hesitate before she answered, her voice low and fragile, like it would break any second.

- Good.

Ramin sensed that something wasn't in its right place. Sierra was usually so cheerful and happy. Today, she seemed really introvert and quiet. It was a bad feeling in Ramin's stomach when he saw Sierra like this, surly she was struggling with something. But good lord, let her be okay.

  - Sierra, is something wrong? he tried but was met with silence. Sie, are you okay?

She stopped him dead in his tracks, putting a red lock behind her ear as she stood up. Mumbling some sort of inaudible excuse to him, something about that she had things to do, she walked away, with her head low and her green eyes not meeting his gaze.

Something was really off, she wasn't even that discreet. Ramin felt bad, what was it? Why did she not want to tell him? The lump in is stomach grew bigger. Was it his fault? Had he done something to make her feel uncomfortable or awkward? But what about all that Ali had talked about, everything about Sierra liking him. For all Ramin knew she could just have had a bad day, everyone had those, but she was still not really the Sierra he knew. She always seemed so happy and stress-free. Why would it change now? He really needed to find out what was wrong. Whatever it was she would not go through it alone. Ramin would help her. Something in him said that he overreacted but something in him also said that he couldn't help her. What if he would do something that would make her more and more... like this? 

Sierra:

The next couple of days were hard. Sierra knew that it wasn't fair to Ramin to just ignore him. He probably was beating himself up thinking he had done something wrong, but she could not talk to him. Every time she saw him, her whole heart just hurt and her stomach were forming a lump. It was selfish, but it did not work in another way. This morning she dragged herself out of bed. She wasn't normally tired, she was a morning person, but she figured it was a consequence of staying up far too late at night thinking and crying herself to sleep. She had tried not to, but she couldn't help it. Her thoughts were so confused, and it felt like they were haunting her. Before going out to walk to rehearsals she picked a word, like she always did in the morning like a nice boost for the day. But when she saw the word this morning her throat started to close up and she felt tears in her eyes. It was childish but on the little angel card with those black round letters it was written:

"LOVE"

Rehearsals today was hard. Sierra found herself needing to think a lot more before she sang than usual. She also found herself needing to sing with more force to hit the notes correctly. She would not admit it, but her throat also started to feel bad. This was not the time to become sick. Considering the fact that they were going to move into the theatre tomorrow, they had so much to do. From the day you move in to previews always came fast. There was so much to do and if there was a time not to be sick, it was now. All going on with Ramin too, even though Sierra did not exactly know what was going on, it was all too much. 

During the day it just became worse. Sierra felt like her control slipped through her fingers. Her head was starting to feel heavy and she felt herself having a hard time concentrating her gaze somewhere. The music the ensemble played was very beautiful but Sierra had a hard time thinking about it for every time she heard a drum her head felt like it was going to explode. The strings' sound only echoed in her head when they played.

In the middle of the day Sierra needed some time alone. She knew that everyone had bad days, but it didn't make it any easier. Going to the dancing studio, where she usually could be alone she bumped right into the person she really did not feel like meeting right know. She almost fell because she wasn't prepared walking right into his chest. Ramin had a concerned look on his face when he grabbed her arms to prevent her from falling. Sierra head was hurting so bad it was beating, and she looked away from his gaze the instant second she saw those beautiful warm brown eyes. The only thing she would have liked to do in this moment was to throw herself into his arms and stay there forever. It was hard forcing herself to wriggle out of his grip, but it was all for the best she told herself, even though it did not feel like it was for the best at all.

- Sierra, are you alright? he said trying to meet her gaze, but she just kept looking away.

Ramin looked extremely concerned, and Sierra could not take it. It wasn't an acceptable excuse that she had been hurt because he liked Ali and not her. She didn't even like him in that way so why was she acting like this? That was at lest what she told herself all the time. Sierra walked away without answering, with tears in her eyes, and luckily for her Ramin didn't try to follow.