Jas. Hook, Captain

"Two Households, Both Alike In Dignity"

Peter flushed with anger, and a glinting golden sword appeared in his hand, quivering.

"Good form, Peter," I said and strode into the forest as he lifted off into the sky.

Not thirty paces into the welcome protection of the trees, I nearly stumbled over a member of my crew.

"Confound and BLAST you, Smee! Won't you watch where I'm going?!"

"Sorry, Cap'n," he muttered, and began to speak quickly, practically babbling. I could sense the rest of my men about me, and all seemed thoroughly put off.

"Stop this infernal rambling and get yourself together, Smee! What is it, and be brief?!"

"Croc," he said, and the men quailed.

"That was indeed brief," I said, dismissive. "Now I will have no more whimpering. I believe Pan has taken their flag to the meadow. Garn, Davey! Split squads. Go hunting! Capture as many Lost Boys as ever you may. A shiny gold earring for them that snares the most."

"Aye, Cap'n."

They knuckled their foreheads and started snapping out orders. But the moment they were out of sight, they fell silent as monks, a tribute to their profession.

"Smee, you're with me. Our quarry is somewhat more elusive and needs a baited trap."

"Hunh?" Smee asked, clearly a paragon of intellect.

I whispered my plan in his ear.

"But Cap'n. Supposin' she ain't..."

I cut him off with a withering look and whispered a few more words to him.

"Aaaaaaaahhh... I follow, Cap'n."

"No, you don't."

"No, I reckon I don't, but it's a good plan despite," he said.

"Then follow me, and do be quiet."

"Aye aye, Cap'n," he answered, and we departed.

***

"Now remember, Smee. Caterwauling like a wounded animal, and don't spare the drama."

Smee knuckled his forehead and started howling as he swung through the air on a vine. He landed with a thump and a crunch, and from then on needed no encouragement. He was indeed injured. Sufficiently so.

Far off but approaching at a hurried pace I heard a familiar jangling. Soon, Tinker Bell crested a hill and sped down towards the poor, pathetic, prone pirate. The trap was set.

"Oh Smee, what have you gone and gotten yourself into?" she said, "A fine mess, no doubt."

"My leg," he whinged. "I think it's broke."

"Well of course it is," she scolded. "Look at the angle of it. What a shame. I can fix you up, but you'll need a day or two to recover. You'll miss out on the rest of this game."

Smee moaned, doing his level best to play the part.

"Now lay still," she told him.

A faint glow began to emanate from her, brightening with every moment that passed. Truly, this was beautiful magic to behold. A wonder. She sang her healing song.

Just a moment more, a fraction even.
Her light began to dim, and then I descended upon her. In a flash, she was in a small sack kicking and thrashing about wildly.

"I've got her, Smee."

Smee kept whimpering.

"You can stop the charade, Smee. Our plan worked. Come on! Get up. We still have work to do."