My depression within. By Me.
My depression is a figure that cannot be seen,
it kicked off at a very young age, before i even was a teen,
one day it's as small as a raindrop from the haunting clouds,
others...
its a whole hell storm brewing up in my mind that i cannot even escape, even if i tried.
I try endless possibilities, to get rid of it but in the end,
they say its all in my head and just look forward to life instead,
but it isn't that easy i said!
because i try and try to get it out,
even if it leads me to scream and shout..
but in the end as i said, it stays...daunting my existents.
I can't even tell my mum or dad because the time i mentioned the topic,
they looked at me and asked 'what is wrong with you,'
'people like you couldn't possibly have mental issues!'
but they do mum and dad, they fucking do,
because there are some things in life you will never understand about me,
and instead of pushing your daughter away like she was some kind of freak,
maybe you should've sat down with me and listened,
to what made me this 'freak' as you described and tried to help me forgive it.
but now i can't even tell the people i most trust, my parents,
and it just leads more into this pain of loneliness,
swelling in my heart,
holding this horrid feeling deep inside of me,
I can't tell anybody else because when i do,
they never understand!
sure they sit with me while they can,
before then leaving me alone in the darkness again,
forgetting about what i even said to them!
why don't i just get therapy?
they ask.
well it isn't that easy when your own damn parents think that you are a freak with mental issues,
that they believe not to even exist.
Therapy is something id like to do in a while but,
in the end it costs money and i don't have that!
and i possibly couldn't get that since I'm forbidden to even have a job, because focusing on my studies is way more important,
because any form of income would be a distraction,
but you know what a fucking distraction is?
a mental issue that is not curable that leaves you dead for days,
dreading your own existence.
