She Needs Love Too

Chapter 1

Ashlee

On days or nights like this I find  myself alone,  thinking with a blunt in one hand and a cigarette in the other with my music blasting. I don't remember when this became my emo but I cherish those moments, these moments.  I know what your thinking,  "how lame"; but in actuality i feel like I would be doing the same thing matter who I'm around.  Hell in my mind these are the only times I have to myself where I am not worrying about noone but me. When I'm alone its just me and my thoughts. I think about music, stories, my life, past and future. In these moments I am able to figure out who I am and what I want.  And I prefer it to be this way all the time if I could but my life has no room for laziness. I have to have some type of hustle to survive because no one else is capable or should have to take care of me but me.

my name is Ashlee Serena Johnson and I am 20 years old. I've been through some rather tough times and I will probably continue to go through things because that's just the way things are,  so why would I think anything different?  But you know what I'm just going to start from the beginning and let you be the jury because at the end of the day you'll never be the one to judge me, God is. I hate to be the one to say I've got issues but I do. Yet, at times I'm not always sure if they're all mine. It seems like i carry more baggage than I can carry or bare all by myself.  I don't even understand my feelings or obligation to do so, if I am barely able to carry my own cross. There are times where I just feel like I can't take it anymore and just want to disappear and start a brand new life somewhere by myself. But then I think of how everyone will be affected. Whether they are family or friends. I wonder if they would feel in some way neglected or abandoned, and if so my heart wouldn't be able to take it and my conscience would never let me.