Dear Thomas,

Four Months

June 22, 2018

Dearest Thomas,

I. LOVE. YOU. (had to make sure you got that :P )

Today is our four month anniversary (or lunaversary if you believe my dad). I dunno what I'm doing without you, prolly eating too much chocolate and thinking about how much I love you and how happy I am that fate (and more than a little courage) brought us together. At least that's what I was doing when I wrote this letter. Minus the chocolate.

It was the week you left and I was trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for being without you for so long. This particular day had sucked. I woke up hungover, not in my own bed. The first thing I thought was, oh no, what stupid things did drunk me text Thomas last night? Turned out there was a long list. When I got home my mom and I fought all day about things I had done wrong and I started to slowly fall into an abyss of sorrow and self-loathing. I started crying and I texted you.

Why am I drawing attention to this sucky day? Because within minutes you pulled me back together, stitched me up, and gave me a plan with clear instructions to fix my self-hate. Just like that, you fixed everything. Nothing I had done, none of the mistakes I had made, changed how much you loved me. So I did what I needed to do, made plans to see you one last time, sat down and started writing a song about you. The first lyric that came to mind was not a happy one.

If you leave, I would understand.

That was it. It popped into my head while I was crying, waiting for you to respond and save me from myself. It came from that feeling that I wasn't good enough for you, unworthy of your love. But now when I think about it I think something else.

I don't know what is going to happen when you get back. I don't know what is going to happen when I go to college. I don't know how we will have changed. So yes, if you leave I will understand.

This is NOT me breaking up with you. Not by a long shot. In fact, it's the opposite. I have every intention of staying with you forever. If I thought marrying you right now was a good idea I would drive to you without hesitation. The reason I'm saying it is because I want you to know that there is nothing you could do to ruin this completely. Even if you change and I change and you don't think a relationship will work anymore, I will always be a part of your life. And you will always have changed mine on a fundamental level.

Some part of me fell in love with you on the day we met and that spark lit embers that will never die.

Before I go, there's one last thing I wanna say. You are: amazing, astounding, awe-inspiring, awesome, breathtaking, excellent, exceptional, extraordinary, fabulous, fantastic, formidable, incredible, marvelous, miraculous, remarkable, spectacular, stunning, stupendous, terrific, tremendous, unbelievable, wonderful, and most of all, important. Not just to me, to the world. Life on earth is better because of you. You can stay humble if you want, but I'm not gonna stop being your ego for you. Because you deserve to be recognized for more than your accomplishments, for your soul. I can see your angel-like radiance clear as day. It is blinding and uplifting, a light in my darkest hours. Never forget that.

Come home soon. I already missed you when I wrote this and you hadn't even left yet.

Bubbles,

Amy

P.S. I wanna do naughty things to you ;)