Im walking carefully. Between not ok and very not ok. I cant control myself. Theres like a volcano inside me its dead but i can feel it boil up when im pissed off. Im scared of myself. Idk whats wrong. I only know im not ok and far from being ok. Even afyer everytime i let the volcano erupt theres still more but it all goes back inside me. Waiting for another chance to control me. Im ok. I dun want to lie. But i cant control the words from coming out of my mouth. Its so natural i cant stop myself.
My mood swings are wose than before. I snap before i can control. I cannot anymore but than i continue.
Ik i hv problems and i nvr ignored their existance.
Im scared of myself. Rlly scared. Im scared one day i would go bonkers and snap all day. I feel blood boiling all the time. I boil and break and try controlling and resisting but it backfires sometimes.
I hurt ppl alot. I feel bad but i cant control myself. Sometimes they hurt alot. I dun feel like cus i stab it into someone. Oh but then i think back i regret.
I get pissed easily i cannot control. I blow my top and its no better. I guess i shall jus forget it and try again.
Inside me theres a voice thats pulling me away. Im fighting it to stay. I cant im falling apart. But i try. Ik if i fall many ppl would too. They all relied on me. I cried alot. I had many mental breadowns and ik i need help but help rejected me.
