Problems Anonymous(complete)

Chapter 3

I blushed.Partly from embarrasment. The other, because I couldn't believe he'd do all that for me.And I felt a little guilty.Maybe he cared more about all this than I did.

"I am not a prude!", my girly voice pitched in more than I would have liked.He crossed his arms.

"Oh really?", he raised an eyebrow.

"What's your favorite drink?"

I stood quiet.I actually didn't know the slightest thing about beers or wine or whatever.I could've lied, but I knew in the end, I'd still make an idiot of myself. I pursed my lips in defeat, and we both laughed.

Our laughter soon died down though, and everything went back to this awful and awkward silence. His thumbs ran over the surface of the medical device still in his hand.

"So, why didn't you just call an ambulance?"

"I don't know.I just couldn't.", I whispered back.

His green eyes scanned my plain old brown ones.

"Were you scared?"

"Of what?"

"I don't know.That I wouldn't of come. And you said you didn't call 911, so you could've died right now."

I sighed.

"No.I'm not scared of death."

I paused

 "We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. Memories, a life filled with them. I'm scared of living for no reason. Y'know.What if my life had ended, and I have absolutely done nothing whatsoever with my life that has meaning.", I gestured widely with my hands,"I have to believe that while I can, everything I do has to be for a purpose. But nothing I do seems to help my case."

He rolled his eyes.

"Oh god not this again.Ugh, why not become a nun then? Devote your life to seeking peace, oh child of God.", he mocked.

I leaned back in my pillow and let my eyelids slide down.I let out a deep breath.I know, I wasn't normal. And it didn't help that I didn't exactly know how to put my thoughts into words.To explain what I felt-people must see me as some sort of crazy lady.

"Nah it's not that.It's just-I can feed a hungry orphan today. And her smile will give me the satisfaction that I've done good, and maybe everything is right in that moment. But what happens when I leave? What changes? She'll still be hungry when she goes to bed that night. The next day, that following week. And I'll come back to my own problems too."

He rubs his chin, processing all that I've told him.He comes closer, and sits on the edge of my bed.

"Under the buddy system oath, I feel obligated to help you on your journey of enlightenment", he pat my leg and I couldn't help put capture hints of sarcasm in his tone.

"But first, let me get this straight. You basically live life sulking over your diabetes, thinking that it's going to kill you when it's not."

"It could've right now!", I interrupted.

"Not if you take care of yourself.", he gave me a stern look, and I sank back down.He was right.I may have skipped dinner that night, along with my pill.He continued.

"And to forget your own 'one' problem", he held up his pointer finger for emphasis,"you drown yourself in other people's problems, hoping there's could eventually mask your own. You want meaning.Meaning to life, satisfaction, whatever", he waved his hand in annoyance.

"You just want happiness is all.But I have to tell you, you're going about this quest all wrong."

He reached for my finger to take my blood glucose results again.

"You're killing yourself over this one flaw, and you think you only have a limited time to go about and help everyone else in this goddamned world- everyone else but yourself."

He fiddled around with the meter until a new number flashed on the screen.This time, he smiled.

"But you know what? If you spent a little more time on you, you'd realize you're perfectly fine."

He turned the meter, revealing a perfectly healthy and stable 93.

I smiled as well, but then quickly shook my head to return to our conversation.

"So what are you saying?", I tried to make sense of everything he had told me in the past 15 minutes.His thinking was so different from mine.                           

He pushed back his hair. 

"First of all, other people are not medicine.", the words flowed from his mouth as he got up to leave.         

"Your problem is easy, Maisy star, I'll show ya.Just stop making up new ones."