✔️Hazy [anne with an e]

| HOW OUR YOUNG HEARTS SHATTER

chapter seven: how our young hearts shatter

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SHE HAD ALWAYS heard that death was loud. That it hit everyone around it with something of a shock wave, how it shattered everything. But it had never felt quieter.

From the second she had heard the shrill voice of the nurse calling for her and Gilbert, it was as if the world had become mute. Not the snow crunching under their feet as they ran to the house, not the whimpers of the nurse as she looked at their father's dead body, not even Gilbert's first sob was heard clearly. She should be relieved, that's what people would say. That it was a good thing that he wasn't suffering anymore and she should be happy that he found peace. But, she wasn't. She wasn't ready to be.

Gilbert started crying first. He reached for their father's body but Caroline gripped his arms tightly, holding him back as he struggled. He was shouting, tears streaming down his face as he tried to get out of his sisters grip. She shushed him as he shouted, his struggle dying down as he stop screaming and began to sob. Caroline turned him around and let him cry into her shoulder as she pulled him out of the room.

"Don't look, don't look.", she held him as he continued to cry but no tears came for her.

It was like she numb, like she couldn't feel a thing but a big empty space in her heart which would never be filled again. Her father was dead. He was dead. The man who'd raised her by himself, bought her her first dress, taught her how to braid her hair, cheered when she had punched Billy for the first time, taught her how to ride a horse.

Taught her how to love others.

Now, he was dead and she didn't know what to do.

The twins stumbled into Caroline's room and fell onto her bed, Gilbert still crying. He made fists in her bedding as the sadness faded into anger and frustration. What was he supposed to do now? How would he take care of his sister? He didn't know what to do either.

So they stayed like that.

With Gilbert burying his face into Caroline's pillow, sobs growing quieter by the minute and Caroline lying on her back, staring at her ceiling. He was dead. She had always imagined how it would feel, tried to prepare herself.

But, she had come to realize that nobody could ever be prepared for death. It looms around the corner, like an old memory which you've tried so hard to repress, but you think about it anyway. You can't be ready for it, your family can't prepare, not even death is ready for you. It just shows up when it needs you, and doesn't care about who else might.

Gilbert stood up so quickly that he almost fell over, making Caroline stand up to help balance him. She tried to hug him but he pushed her off, giving her a glare before storming into his room. The last thing she heard was a door slam with such force that her jar of ink fell off her desk and spilled all over her floor.