When I had you

Shelly & Amelia: when I got pregnant

Shelly: I was 17 and the condom broke

Amelia: I was 15 at a sleepover

Shelly: Your father was older and I thought I was so great cause a older guy was interested in me. But I wasn’t stupid about it. I always had him use protection. I probably should have been on birth control but I was too ashamed to tell my parents what was going on. I was happy and okay with my relationship with your father so why would I have talked to my parents about it.

Amelia: I was staying at a friend from catholic school’s house. She slept on the bed and I slept on the floor in makeshift bean bag of pillows and blankets. I’ve always been a heavy sleeper, but that night I woke up and felt nothing but pain. Alan had moved me from that room and bound my arms and I was gagged. I tried to scream and fight but I couldn’t. It hurt so badly and I passed out.

Sandy: My relationship with your father was great. We would meet almost everyday and he was sweet. Plus he had a car so that was always a bonus.

Amelia: When I got home I told my mom what had happened. I expected her to comfort me, I expected her to want to take action against him. What I did not expect was disappointment. She was disappointed in me for losing my virginity. She blamed me, told me that I should have been more careful, that I knew my friend had a brother, and because of that I should have dressed more ‘modestly’ I was crying and asked her what she wanted me to do. She told me that ‘god’ would want me to be with Alan, said that the only way fix MY sin was be with him. She took me to see him and told him that she’d like for him to date me. He looked at me smirked, and said “Yeah, sure” he was 19

Amelia and Shelly: when I found out I was pregnant I cried

Shelly: I was so scared. I ran to my mom and collapsed I asked her what I should do. She told me that it was my decision, she said I should talk to Marcus about it, she said if I decided to abort it that she’d pay for it and if I decided to keep it she’d help me, but she would NOT raise it for me. She said “There’s a reason I got my tubes tied”

Amelia: I told my mom I wanted an abortion, that I did not want to carry that man’s child. She slapped me. She yelled and screamed telling me that if I am pregnant it was god’s will and how dare I want to go against it and want to kill an innocent child. I was crying and I told her that it wasn’t even alive yet. She beat me and sent me to my room, saying that it was MY choices that led to me being pregnant and I was not allowed to use murder as a scapegoat.

Amelia & Sandy: When I told your father he was surprised

Amelia: but he just smirked and said “well I guess you’re stuck with me now.”

Sandy: he gaped like a fish with wide eyes. It would have been comical had my heart not been causing rib damage. When he figured out what to say he hugged me and told me that he would support me and the baby. I cried into him and the next day we got promise rings. He was 19 and already had a job so we were able to get rather nice ones.

Amelia and Sandy: When you were born I cried

Amelia: and screamed. My mother was in the room and they had to hand you to her instead of me. I thought I gave birth to a monster. I knew you were gonna be a boy but I had hoped that that was wrong, because if you were a girl that would mean you couldn’t be a copy of your father. But when the doctor called out “it’s a boy!” it felt like I had just doomed some little girl to the same thing that happened to me. It broke my heart.

Sandy: I was already crying. Afterall birth is not a painless event. Even though the doctors put me on SO many drugs. Really the only thing keeping them from knocking me out was the pain. As soon as you were out I got dizzy. I couldn’t hold you so your grandmother held you. She picked you up and exclaimed, “wow! Look at that! He’s smaller than you were! I didn’t think it possible.”