When the Stars Shone Brightly

Sand slid through my toes as I ran across the beach, in the midst of crowds settling down for the summer fireworks. The feeling caused memories to flood back, in flashes - just like a kaleidoscope. My eyes scanned briefly around the dozens of unfamiliar faces, in search of just one face that I longed to see.

After everything we had been through, he had nothing to say to me. That's when I saw him, exactly the way I imagined him to be. His tall, lean figure stood out in the crowd, his emerald eyes stabbing right where it hurt - my heart.

'Sebastian Grosvenor!' I shouted out to him, and he did the thing I was most afraid of.

He smiled. That goddamn smile.

He walked over to me; he's shirt unbuttoned, as its fabric fluttered with the wind's momentum. He seemed unfazed by the summer wind blowing against and for that brief moment, everything seemed like fate to me. He ruffled his brown hair shyly, 'I thought I'll see you today.'

I scoffed at him, 'How can you just stand there and smile,' I noticed my eyes were filled with tears, I hated being vulnerable in front of him, 'selfish bastard.'

'Amelia –.'

'You wouldn't have told me, would you?' I laughed bitterly, 'you were going to do what you do best, disappear into the sunset with nothing but some letter left on my doorstep.' As I spoke, I pulled out a neatly sealed envelope with what I assumed would be a goodbye letter.

He gestured me to sit down, with that ever so calm face. I sighed, exhausted from the anger that had been burning through me all day and complied. I flopped down beside him and he pointed up to the sky, 'the sun hasn't even set, but the stars can already be seen.' He observed and I followed his long, slim fingers.

'Yeah,' the words whispered out of my mouth and we just sat there in silence. It was moments like this that I longed for. To sit there with him and do absolutely nothing. It reminded me of the brief moment as your eyes flutter open from sleep, and there's a moment where you forget everything – that dazed feeling of fulfilling emptiness.

He leaned back, resting his weight on his elbows, still staring at the sky, 'It's just like you – all emotional.' I held my breath as he pulled away, and all I could was cry. He grabbed my shoulders, 'It's my choice, I want to leave.'

I pulled away from him and wiped away my tears, 'Justin told me what you were going to do, and I didn't believe – not until it left your mouth, your words. I told him, "he'll never do that".' He sighed and tried to move forward, but I stepped back, 'are we friends?'

Friends – it was the simplest way to summarise my relationship with Sebastian. We had gone through so much together, that I no longer knew where I stood when it came to him. Yet when his lips fell on to mine, it was so right, to the point where it made me sick. He was trying to play his way out of this, like he's always done.

'You were going to leave, weren't you? Leave me this letter,' I tightened my grip on the thin piece of paper, 'and imagine whatever response you wanted from me. Me reading and thinking "huh, I'm really going to miss him." Well too bad, that's not my reaction.'

His eyes saddened and his smiled faded as I looked him straight in the eyes, 'this is. I am not okay with you choosing yourself again.' After what felt like an eternity of silence, he came towards me and wrapped his arms around my body, and ruffled my hair with his hands, as I let go, he grabbed my hands and held them.

'Is it so wrong to want to put myself first?' He questioned me, and I wanted to slap him for being so selfish. Yet a part of me couldn't bring myself to do so, because once again, he made sense. Sebastian had dedicated himself to everyone but himself, and deep down, I knew he deserved happiness. We all did. I also put myself first, by wanting him to stay.

'When will you come back?' knew the answer, but I needed to hear it from his mouth, his words, then I would believe everything.

'I'm not coming back.' One simple, elegant sentence that somehow explained everything.

Leave. I knew he would never call, never write. He would cut off all contact with us, and of course me, he would leave and I think that for him, meant finally escaping the past and ultimately freedom, I whispered, and looked him straight in the eyes. They were still as unreadable as the day I first met him, but now they had a tiniest hint of life in them. It was something that I hadn't noticed until now.

The reaction I could form was a mere scoff. I scoffed and then took a step away from me, as though the idea of him repulsed me. How could he, him of all people who encouraged me to stay and fight my own demons, choose to leave. Sebastian eyes saddened as he noticed my retreat as he tried to close the distance by stepping towards me. His mouth opened to form a sentences, but I wouldn't let him finish, 'Amelia –.'

'No,' I said, and I took another step back, away from him, 'you don't get to say goodbye.'

He laughed. He laughed as though it was a normal day, where we sat in the sun, but as he kept retreating back to car, I knew it was really goodbye. He laughed as though this was all a joke and that it didn't matter that my heart was being broken, 'then say you love me, say you'll never forget me, or even that you'll think about me every night because you sleep –.'

'You hurt me – and I hope you remember that wherever you are in the world. I want you to remember that you, Sebastian, hurt me.'

He winked and turned his back on me, and I saw a tear run down his flawless face as he looked back and closed the door, it was then that reality finally set in. After a while, I got up and walked home, and at some time, the tears stopped flowing. I think this is what he wanted, for me to be strong. It wasn't as devastating as I thought it would be, it wasn't as though the world had slipped through my hands. It was more like a feeling of being in a dream, like I would wake up and everything would suddenly be alright.

But he wasn't coming back, he was gone.

Yet he was right about one thing he said, years ago – to look up at the stars and be reminded of him. Because stars shine the brightest before they fall.