Home Sweet Home

who is my mother?

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'TMI,' I thought.

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"TMI, Baron," Betty chirped.

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"I fell in love with your mother, Krall. She was the light of my life. My little Hummingbird."

I stared at Betty.

Betty stared at Calvin.

Calvin cleaned his glasses.

Harold was trying to push Betty off him.

Russell farted.

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Can crows fart?

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"But I thought your wife's name was Hummingbird?" I inquired.

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The Baron nodded.

"It was, but I never called her that. I had a different nickname for her."

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I knew I shouldn't ask.

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"What was that?" Betty asked, instead.

"Two bit tramp, whore slut."

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I was getting a headache. Why was everything in this house so damn difficult?

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I looked at the drunk rat and crow sleeping together and the three ghosts in my common room.

And why was I calling it a common room?

Suddenly my confusion was becoming clear.

"But I was under the understanding that you died many years ago."

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The Baron shook his head.

"No. I died in 1987."

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"I was born in 1986."

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"You're 30?"

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I looked at Betty.

"Yea, why?"

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She shrugged.

"I thought you were like 40 or something."

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"Do I look that old?"

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"Well a little. Might be the beard and such."

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"It does make you look older, Krall," Calvin added, nodding.

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Betty nodded too.

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"Well I guess the beard goes then."

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"I like worms," Russell slurred, still asleep.

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"Krall?"

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I looked at the Baron.

"Oh sorry. Carry on."

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"Like I was saying. I died in 1987."

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"But I thought they stopped burying people in the cemetery in the 50s?"