Boyf riends/Richjake One Shots

The Right Words

I'm waiting in the bathroom. No, waiting isn't the right word. It's more like, processing. No, that's not right either. Because how can you use such a simple word as "process" to describe realizing that your best friend in the entire world is gone?
Slouched on the edge of an old bathtub, hands folded in my lap, the ache in my chest pulses so badly that I can barely breathe. Air, I need air, but I can't stand. I'd topple over if I tried, from both the beers and what happened only a few moments ago. The full weight of it crashes into me, and I almost fall into the tub.
"I'm alone," I whisper, like a man who is about to be executed and doesn't realize what it means until the blade is about to chop his head off, "I'm alone."
That's when my body lurches upward and I frantically fumble around for the doorknob. I need to get out of here, now.
Shoving past a blonde girl who was waiting by the door, I stumble as quickly as I can through the chaos of the party, desperately needing to get away, not even caring that the music almost cracks my ear drums in half. I can barely hear it.
Without warning, I lose my balance and fall face first toward the floor, sprawled out on some passed-out-drunk kid. As I rub my head gingerly, I glance over the other side of Jake's couch. God, I wish I had just blacked out.
Jeremy's pale skin glowed with the pattern of the dancing lights as he and Christine shared a beer and a joke together. He had his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders as she leaned her head into his, breathing deeply, comfortable enough to fall asleep. There was a gentle fire in his eyes, one that I only ever saw when he was thinking about her. Her. My body began to tremble with a white hot anger, like a freshly cut wound reopened. Tears started leaking out uncontrollably and I bit my hand as I dashed out the front door, trying to muffle the screams that were clawing up my throat.
Out in the placid night, on Jake's front lawn, I gulped down a few panting breaths staring up at the blinding light of the moon and letting the chirping of the crickets fill my head with a somewhat soothing melody. Any other time, I could have stayed out here forever, just taking in the vastness of the sky. Like I used to do with Jeremy when his dad forced him to do cub scouts all those years ago.
The memory strikes me with another blow, and I crumple down into the grass like a fallen soldier, too wounded to run away. I clutch my knees into my chest and I let myself wail for the loss of my friend, the one that I love the most, until there are no more tears left inside of my eyes and my throat goes numb with the pain of screaming.
I rise slowly, quietly from my spot in the grass, limbs aching and joints popping. Trudging through the sleeping neighborhood, a sense of mind-numbing calmness pulses through my veins. I don't want to be me anymore, I think, I...I don't want to live. I don't want to feel this way anymore. This is the only way. He loves her. I grin a little, sadly. I should let him be happy.
As I crouch at the top of the lighthouse, I look down at the houses and the stores and the highways and roads and think, In the grand scheme of things, are any of us really important? What's the point in trying if we're all so small, so insignificant?
But even though he was as small and insignificant as everything else down below, Jeremy changed my life. No feeling can describe all of the ups and downs, the fights and the makeups, the inside jokes and all those late nights spent playing video games or texting so fast the conversation just became a jumbled mess of ideas and humor. No feeling can describe those deep sleepover confessions, being disembodied when he's not around, and having connections into each other's souls and hearts so strong that you don't need words to know what the other one is feeling. And then to have that person ignore you and call you a loser and sever those roots all for what? A girl that he may never win over? A status that he may never attain? A personality that may never become real? Loser, huh. Well, he won't have to put up with me for much longer.
Right before I'm about to give myself to the darkness of what lies down below, I decide to call him one last time. To hear his voice, however painful, one last time.
The phone rings, piercing the softness of the night. To my surprise, he answers.
"Michael! Look, I'm really sorry. I-I didn't know what I was thinking and Christine told me that you weren't there and..." I could hear his muffled crying through the phone, "I should never have called you a loser. It's my squip I swear! I would never have said any of this to you if it wasn't for the squip, but it's off for now 'cause I'm drunk and I swear I should have listened to you and Rich..."
I cut him off. "Good-bye." My voice is almost drowned by tears.
"What?"
"I said good-bye, Jeremy. I hope that you and Christine are happy together. I won't get in your way anymore."
"Wha-wait! Michael, where are you? What do you mean you won't..." His breath hitches. "No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't, don't do it! Please, you're my best friend in all of the universe, and I couldn't stand a life without you, ever. Just don't. Promise me you won't do it, Michael, promise me you won't because if you go then...then I go too."
I'm crying so hard at this point that tears start to drip onto my glowing phone screen, Jeremy's name swirling in my vision.
"Why? Why would you even consider threatening your life to save mine? I'm not worth anything, you said so yourself. Tell me why I shouldn't jump, right now, Jeremy, tell me why!"
There is silence all around me, except for the wind, which starts to hiss in the chilly October night.
"Because," he pauses for a moment, trying to get the words out, "I...I don't love Christine. I thought I did, but I don't. I love you, Michael. You're the other half of my soul. If you die, a piece of my soul dies with you. I'll do anything, just don't jump. I think I know where you are, just stay there, Michael, ok, just stay there."
Jeremy stayed on the phone with me for fifteen minutes, and he told me that I didn't have to talk about anything, just to say something or make some noise every so often so he knew that I was there. All I could do was sink to the ground and cry, every emotion so overwhelming and loud in my brain it made me feel sick to my stomach. Of course I was overjoyed that he had just told me that he was in love with me, but I was now torn between that relief and the fear, anger, and pain that had made me climb up this damn thing only a few minutes ago. I still wanted to fall from the edge, but for a different reason, just to shut up all of the voices screaming in my head, contradicting themselves, and ripping my heart to pieces. My breathing was as heavy as ever as I paced back and forth on top of the water tower, running my hands through my hair, hopelessly searching for a solution, Jeremy's voice and the sound of his screeching tires through the phone the only thing keeping me from death.
All of a sudden, I saw the flash of car lights break through the darkness down below. I hear the faint sound of a car door slamming.
"I'm here, it's ok, I'm here. Are you at the top?"
"Y-ye...yes," I say, barely daring to speak at all.
"Good. I'm coming up. Just breathe, relax."
When he pulls himself out of the trap door, enclosed inside of the room with the large light inside of it, we stand there, staring at each other. He looks almost heroic, the way the moonlight strokes his face and the way the wind whips his hair. A language only known between us passes through our eyes, and I find all of the problems and all of the answers through his. Time seemed to hold its breath in that moment, when our intentions, our connection, and our hearts become one. No longer were we simply two halves of a whole. It was like we had always been a whole, always fused together, and in that minute, our love for each other was sealed forever.
"Michael," Jeremy gasped, a question and an promise all at once.
I don't know if I ran to him or he ran to me or if it was a little bit of both, but our bodies slammed into each other as we kissed, holding each other close as if afraid the other one might melt away, never wanting the moment to end. Tasting the sweet taste of alcohol and mint from the gum he had used to try and impress Christine, I kissed him deeper, inhaling his scent of sweat and Doritos. Tears streaked both of our faces as we broke away, laughing out loud, hysterical and disbelieving at everything that had happened that night, both overwhelmed and steadied by the sight of each other.
After we each became stable enough to breathe again, we started down the staircase of the lighthouse, sniffling and chuckling as we held each other firmly by the shoulders.
As we buckled up in the car, a feeling of dread filled the pit of my stomach. How would I face my parents after this? How would I go to school? How could I fall asleep alone, knowing that I was a danger to myself?
"I don't want to go home," I said, staring down at my feet. Jeremy kissed me gently on the cheek.
"I know," he said, "Do you wanna crash at my place? We can play video games or listen to music or something."
I nodded. The emotional war that I had been plunged into that night was too much for me to handle on my own. I needed Jeremy, otherwise I would probably die from the feelings and memories themselves.
Zoning out from the hum of the car engine and the constant pattern of the road, I surrendered to a deep sleep, brushing the shock of what I had done to be dealt with another day.
A little while later, I woke up to Jeremy, still in our clothes from last night, holding me close to him, snoring softly as the sun peeked over the horizon. Giving him a long, gentle kiss on the forehead, I got up off the couch, found my glasses on the coffee table, and poured myself a glass of water. When I closed my eyes, flashes from last night came back to haunt me. Jeremy calling me a loser, he and Christine cuddling together, looking out over the edge of the lighthouse, about to jump, and Jeremy coming to save me from myself. Now I know how it feels, I thought. I might not have had a squip, but a darkness inside of me that had been growing for a while seemed to almost take over my body. Last night, I wasn't Michael. It was as if someone else had been doing all of those things, and I wasn't in control anymore. I guess I can't blame him for wanting to be popular. He was always bullied at school more than I was, because they seemed to sense his anxiety, his desire to fit in and be a part of the popular crowd. And I guess that squip must have sensed that and displayed popularity to him as something that would ease those anxieties. Although I'll never really understand why he had just cast me aside for a girl, I think that someday, I'll be able to forgive him completely. And someday, I might be able to fully forgive myself.
As I sip on my glass of water, staring out of the window, Jeremy wraps his arms around me from behind, causing me to drop my glass on the floor in surprise.
"What the - Jeremy!" I pulled away to face him, "What was the fuck was that, dude? You scared me!"
"Good morning to you too," Jeremy said as he gave Michael a big squeeze.
Suddenly I realize, he's hugging me. His squip. How?
"Wait a second! Jeremy, what happened to your squip?"
"It's a long story. Rich was running around begging someone for Mountain Dew Red, and he called me while we were in the car and said that he needed it to deactivate the squip. Since I knew that you had tons of that stuff, I kept myself drunk, snuck into your house, got a bottle and chugged it down before my squip could come back. I'm free, Michael," he started to get teary again, "I'm free, and so is Rich and anyone else who has a squip. There might be voices in my head now, but they're the normal kind."
I'm rendered speechless. "Jeremy! That's amazing!" I squeeze him tighter than he squeezed me. "I could kiss you! We can...I-I mean if you still want to."
"What? You think that I don't want to kiss you? To date you?! Come on, man, you're so much smarter than that! I'm never letting you go, ever, because I'm free! I don't have to listen to anyone but myself now."
He holds my waist firmly as he pulls me closer to him.
"And all of the voices in my head want to go out with you."
We kiss again, but it's softer, less desperate than last time, and it leaves me feeling like I just downed a drink: warm and dizzy and unbelievably happy.
"I don't know about you," I say, my emotions becoming more and more stable by the moment, "But I could sure use a weed."
"And a slushy," we say at the same time, "Jinx! You owe me a soda!" We both burst out in laughter as Jeremy carries me in a princess-cradle to the car.
"Stop, ya big dope," I say lamely as I nuzzle into his chest, "Since when did you become strong enough to pick me up?"
"Since the squip punished me with push-ups every time I thought about you."
"Awwww! Am I your favwrite perswon?" I laugh harder, which makes it difficult for Jeremy to carry me.
He chuckles, "Yeah, you know you are." He puts me back on the ground again.
"I'm worried about you," he says, rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm not sure if you're ever going to scare me like that again or not and I..." He sighs heavily, "I just feel like such a jerk. Beyond a jerk. I didn't mean for any of this to happen and the guilt I feel...it's eating me alive. I don't want to lose you ever again."
Any grudge I might have been holding against him seemed to be less and less important. I could never stay mad at him long, even if it was something as major as this. "Hey," I say, cupping his face with my hands, "It wasn't your fault. These emotions, these...tendencies. They've been building up as long as I can remember. It was just that night that...that set me off." I pause for a long moment before my head quieted down enough to continue.
"But I'll never do it again. Never ever ever ever ever again. I promise you, from the depths of my soul, that I will never do something like that again. You've not only set yourself and all of the other squiped people free, Jeremy. You've set me free, from a place where I resented myself and told myself that I would never be good enough because I was gay and a stoner. You've always been there for me, but last night, you proved to me that you were willing to sacrifice just as much as I would for us, and because of that you've made my trust in you even stronger. Even though there will always be these voices inside of my head telling me horrible things, I know that I don't have to listen to them anymore. That I'm stronger than them. That I'm worthy of having someone like you."
"Will I ever be worthy of you, though, Michael? I know I don't deserve this second chance you're giving me, no matter how much I want it."
"Yes you do. Because even though you can be a complete and total jerkface sometimes, you always pull through in the end. You don't let the negative side of you control your personality, and that shows that you're strong enough to admit your mistakes and try your hardest to fix them, no matter what it takes. That's what makes you a good person, Jeremy. That's what makes you you."
I almost start crying before Jeremy picks me up again, and gently places me in the front seat.
We ride for a little while in a silence that feels comfortable before Jeremy parks in the Seven Eleven parking lot.
"This'll be some first date, Michael. Sushies and weed. Can't get any classier than that."
I smile at him from the passenger seat, thinking that even though we're two boys going out together for slushies after saving the world from squips and stopping my almost-suicide the night before, maybe things can still be normal. No, normal isn't the right word. Things will never be normal again. Happy. That's the word. Maybe when the shock wears off, we can be happy.

Yo guys this is my first fan fiction. I know it's really long but I have a lot of feelings and ideas, ok and I hoped you liked it. Comment down below!