War Torn || Civil War

Chapter Twenty-Three: On My Watch

It's not overly complicated, but then again nothing is until people start shooting at you.

Peggy packs more ammunition from the storage lockers. Luckily, they're untouched. She adds another set of glocks to her backpack. I shed everything I have on me, knowing that I won't be able to keep them from being confiscated by Somodorov and his men. This includes the most important physical objects I own: Bucky's dog tags and my wedding ring.

As she cleans her glock, I tap her on the shoulder. She halts her actions and looks to my outstretched hand. "Emma, I can't take those," she whispers softly, seeing the pieces of metal in my palm.

I push them towards her, insisting she take them. "I can't let them take these, Peg. Not these. They're just about all I have that Bucky gave me."

She searches my eyes for a moment, then relents and takes them into her grasp. "I'll give them back the moment we get out of there," she assures, placing them into the little metal case where she keeps Steve's photograph. "They'll be safe with me."

I offer a semblance of a smile. "I know." Plopping down beside her, I look around the entrance level of the Manaus base. "What are the chances that they're listening right now?"

"None," she replies, matter-of-factly, as she puts the gun back together. "I swept the base first thing. No bugs, no coms. The Soviets were intent on destroying and capturing, not listening. I doubt they thought anyone would come this soon."

I nod, leaning my head back in one of the office chairs as she finishes packing her bag. My eyes close for a few moments, and I feel exhaustion sweep over me.

"When was the last time you slept?" she asks.

I keep my eyes closed. "Define slept."

"More than three hours. In a bed, not a chair or boat or airplane."

I sigh, "I can't remember. Been a few months, at least."

"So, the question is whether it's nightmares or insomnia."

"Or both." I sit up, opening my eyes once again. Peggy has stopped packing, instead is staring worriedly at me. "I still see Bucky, or a version of him. He still haunts me. Sometimes I see Steve, too, but not as often. Sometimes I see Zelma, or Fritz, or anyone else who's died on my watch."

"They died in terrible ways," Peggy agrees, "but not on your watch, Emma. You couldn't have prevented their demises, least of all your husband."

I nod. "I know. My brain doesn't seen to think so, though." With a sigh and a shrug, I lean my chin onto my hands, balancing my arms on my knees. "Anything keep you up at night, Peg?"

Peggy places the bag on the ground, eyes averting mine. "The usual. Steve, Jack Thompson's unsolved murder, everyone in SHIELD who's died on my watch."

"'You couldn't have prevented their demises,'" I quote her words back to her with a small smile.

Peggy chuckles softly. "That, and some especially troubling medical news I received earlier this year."

My smile fades as my mind processes her words. "What medical news?"

My old friend turns back to me with a sad smile. "My doctor told me at the turn of the year that I have the very early stages of Alzheimer's."

"Alzheimer's?" I gasp, leaning forward. "You found this out over a month ago and didn't tell me?"

"You were away with Rose and Dum Dum," she replies with a shrug. "I didn't want to bother you with something that doesn't really matter right now. It's the early stages. My doctor says that I'll still be functioning perfectly fine for another five to ten years."

"Doesn't matter? Of course, it bloody matters!" I jump to my feet, walking away from her, unable to sit still. "Who else knows?"

"Daniel," she replies. "My girls. Amelia."

I turn on my heel. "You told your niece before me?" With a scoff, I run my hand through my dark hair. "Is this why the World Security Counsel wants you to retire?"

"They don't know yet, either."

"Oh, but they will," I retort. "And you don't want them to kick you out, Margaret Elizabeth Carter. Put someone they want in your place."

"I know that," she replies, keeping her voice level despite the frustration in mine. "I have a few things to wrap up at SHIELD, then I intend to find a replacement and train them. After that, I will retire, on my own terms."

I cross my arms over my chest, staring her directly in the eye. "Were you going to tell me at all?"

She stands, moving closer to me. I back away, keeping distance between us. She sighs, "Of course, I was, Emma. Why do you think I asked you on this mission? Yes, I wanted your help, but I also wanted to get a chance to tell you. I see now that I shouldn't have kept it from you, but..."

I close my eyes, pushing back the tears. "But what?"

"But I didn't want you to feel like you were losing me," she breathes. "This disease won't take me for a long, long time. I didn't want you to feel like I was as good as dead."

"I'm immortal, Peggy," I whimper, squeezing my eyes shut even tighter as my arms wrap around myself. "To me, everyone is as good as dead."

The tears start to flow, and a sob builds in my throat. Peggy makes a sound of compassion, then closes the distance between us. She wraps her arms tightly around me, bringing my head to her shoulder. I move my arms around her as well, gripping her tightly. My tears soak her shirt, but neither of us cares.

It's just like Rose feared. What will happen to me when the last of my family is gone?

Even I don't know the answer to that.

END CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: On My Watch.