What if I just.. stopped responding? Would anyone care?.. Or notice?.. Like, I'd read stories, maybe update some or something.. But not talk to anyone. Would anyone notice?.. Would anyone care?.. Is anyone even reading this?...
Didn't think so.
Sorry.
I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I contemplate suicide. I'm sorry I can't do anything right. I'm sorry I messed with your lives. I'm sorry I'm causing drama here. I'm sorry you guys feel obligated to talk to me. I'm sorry I mess up friendships.
Dalton, I'm sorry for what I put you through. Bennie, I'm sorry you have to listen to me. Lyric.. Lyric, I'm sorry I made you work. I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm sorry I can't be good enough for you. I'm sorry I couldn't make you smile. I'm sorry I can't make you happy. Nate, I'm sorry for making you talk to me at night. Lash, I'm sorry you had to talk to me. Bunny, I'm sorry you have to put up with me.
Jara, I'm sorry you ever talked to me. I'm sorry I can't help you with life. Alex, I'm sorry about your life. I'm sorry I can't make the pain go away. I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough person to be there in your time of need. Bryanna, I'm sorry I couldn't be a good friend. I'm sorry you ever talked to me. I'm sorry I couldn't help you with your depression. I'm sorry I loved out conversations. Marcus, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm sorry I can't help. I'm sorry it's somehow my fault. Byron, I'm sorry you felt obliged to talk to me. Ayato, I'm sorry I couldn't help. I'm sorry I did something wrong to you. Ally, I'm sorry you have to talk to me.
I'm sorry I make you guys talk to me. I'm sorry I'm no help in anyway to anyone. I'm sorry nothing I do makes anyone smile or laugh. I'm sorry I'm sullen. I'm sorry I'm an asshole. I'm sorry I'm mean, and cruel. I'm sorry I drop by to say hi. I'm sorry I say anything. I'm sorry I miss the way things were. I'm sorry I try. I'm sorry no one cares. I'm sorry I can't be perfect. I'm sorry I can't be good. I'm sorry I can't fix anything. I'm sorry I intruded. I'm sorry I can't be like the rest of you all. I'm sorry my mask is getting harder and harder to wear. I'm sorry I try to make you guys laugh. I'm sorry I try to please you. I'm sorry none of you can ever be proud of me. I'm sorry I always cherished the fun conversations we had. I'm sorry I took them to heart, thinking you cared.
But most of all.. I'm sorry I'm here.
:) Since no one's even read this, I don't even know why I'm writing it. I guess maybe in hopes that someone might care enough. Aha, what am I saying. I'm sorry, guys. Honestly, I am.
Someone once told me that the words 'I'm sorry,' are pointless. I guess.. I guess they are. But that doesn't stop me from saying them.
I ' m s o r r y .
