The Open Window: part 2

Chapter three: The Arrival

I get on the plane and I leave Chica a text message telling her I'm sorry for being a burden to her for four years. But now I'm on my way back home, the beginning. I didn't realize how much I complained about New York until I arrived. I missed the deli and the Dominican food. I miss hearing the trains every five minutes and hearing someone yell at their husband for not getting the toilet paper. I miss hearing. I was surprised that I didn't get scared to get on the plane, is that normal? I'm finally home. I get all my stuff together and catch a cab. I tell the guy the address and drift off a few minutes later. Thinking about Lani and my sister.

I finally arrive to my apartment; I put the key in and it doesn't fit. It's the only key I have how could it not fit? Then I feel foot steps walking up to the door and I freeze. An older women opens the door, "Can I help you." She says putting on her glasses. "Sorry I can't— hear I'm deaf. Um, do you know what happened to the person who lived here a few years ago?" I hand her my phone so she can type it in. "I was told he just ran off. Didn't leave any notes. He left all his stuff here." She stops typing and mouths, "Wait, Cam—." She looks at me. She starts crying and hugs me. "Uuuh is his stuff still here ma'm?" I said confused. She smiles and types again.

"Yes, this isn't my apartment, it's my son's. I'm just waiting for him to get home. He had a family emergency." She steps back. Family emergency? I have this deep feeling that I know who it is. I know everyone has family emergency but still. "Ma'm, do you have a picture of your son, I might know him?" I tell her. She invites me in and offers my water. She gets a picture of him off a table. It's Mateo, my cousin. He was in the wedding with me. "He's my cousin from Spain. For four years I was in a coma so for me it's like I saw him a month ago." I said. "You don't remember me do you? It's me, Mama Maria. You're the reason why Mateo moved into this specific apartment.. We found out that you were alive but hadn't woken up. We couldn't get a plane ticket because Mateo wanted to make sure that all of your school stuff here was taken care of and any thing you left behind four years ago. Cameron, you're coming home to no worries.

He found you a great psychologist, he contacted your doctors, he had a meeting with your dean about your education at NYU, and he also found someone who can teach you sign language. I have been going to classes ever since I heard you became deaf." She types all of this handing me a cup of water. I hug her and apologized for not recognizing her. "You don't have to apologize, it isn't your fault... When I heard you were coming home I made an appointment with your psychologist for tomorrow at 10:00 am and you start school next week. But I didn't recognize you when I saw you at the door. Anyways it's almost late so you rest for a little while and I'll make you some of my food." She types again. I love Mama Maria's food, there nothing like it besides my mom's food. Don't be fooled, I'm grieving so much but I don't show it with anybody. Not even Lani...

Before I left on the plane when Lani cried in my arms, all I could think about is how grateful I was to have her in my arms. Even though I need someone to cry on I don't want anybody to see me grieve. That night in the hotel room I had woken up to Lani's husband, I was terrified. I thought he was going to rip me up but I saw him above me crying. He looked around and saw that there were flowers, ice cream carton and her red silky red dress on the floor in her room. He assumed that we had done it but didn't punch me. He was upset and mad but he knows what Lani has gone through so he didn't punch me. He mouthed get out slow so I could catch it and he wouldn't wake Lani up without wanting to yell. I grabbed my stuff and left. I didn't have a lie or an excuse for being there. I texted Lani after arriving to New York but I haven't gotten a text back.

I went back to my old room and put my stuff down. Everything is the same just cleaner I guess. I looked around with memories of how normal my life used to be and how I hated all the chaos I could hear all day...the irony right? A guy who complained about all the noise is now deaf, who saw it coming. I look at my clothes in my closet all nice and neat. I shut the door letting Mama Maria know that I'm gonna need some time alone. I lay in my bed while I look at the grey sky. That last time I really looked at the sky was when I remembered my dad. I couldn't rest, not even close my eyes and if I did I could see both of my parents; not in the way I should. When I close my eyes I see my dad dying in the hospital bed and when I see my mom—I see her both in a body bag all bloody and before I went to the restroom on the plane. Nothing comes out of me; I feel the pain but no tears come out. I don't throw anything, I don't yell at anybody, nothing—comes—out. It's very frustrating.

About 30 minutes go by and my phone is buzzing. It's Lani— "Hey... my husband told me what happened. I had woken up to him looking at the ceiling on the couch while Julie was in my bed and camari in his arms. He looked at me and looked back up at the ceiling. I knew it had to be about you. He was upset because he was there with what happened and he wants to protect me." She texts. I text back because I'm kind of frustrated because all I want is to protect her and want her at the same time. She's the one. I need her to hear me, she's the only one I feel like I can talk to who will listen to but she hasn't really asked me about the accident. Maybe I'm just being selfish. But I'm more of a listener for her and I can't even hear. I don't know maybe I'm just upset. I didn't know what to text her back. I begged her to come, to bring the girls, I respect her; I don't know what else to do so I turn off my phone and get out of the room to eat.

I sit at the table and Mama Maria waves her hand in front of me to get my attention and she mouths, "Are you ok?" And I stare in blank space not know what to respond, "I don't know Mama Maria, I'm not sure. I feel so much guilt and pain in me and yet I don't look like I'm going through pain. I don't cry or yell like normal people. I feel the anger but I don't show it which makes me angrier. Plus I don't even have the girl I love to talk to. The only time I can show emotion is when I see her or my sister because she reminds me so much of my mother. So I don't know Mama Maria if I'm ok but I know I'm not good either." I said to her looking down at my table. She writes in a piece of paper, "When you're done eating, go sleep so you can go to your appointment in the morning and I'll talk to your dean to see if you need until next year to finish second semester senior year. I'll turn the fan on in your room and make warm hot chocolate too."

"That would help my sleeping schedule a lot Mama Maria, thank you. And maybe some sleeping pills too." I said and she nods smiling. As I finish my food, someone bursts in through the door, Mateo! "Mat?! Oh my— it's you. I thought you went to Hawaii for a family emergency?" I said getting up to hug him. He scrunches his face in confusion shaking his head." He mouths, "NOOO." He sits down and writes, "I know what happened with you. I'm so sorry Cameron. I went to go buy a new phone because mine broke the moment I was going to call to Hawaii. If Mama told you something else, she didn't listen very well... but I didn't know you were coming." "Ohhh makes sense now. Hey sorry for taking the room I put my stuff in there." I said. He waves his hands basically saying, "No dude, you're cool."