That's Why I'm Calling You Back (2Doc)

part 1

It was out there now, the visualizer for Souk Eye. From the upcoming album The Now Now.

2D isn't quite sure how the fans will react to the lyrics that go with the visualizer. Will they realize it? Will they see how fucked up he is for even having these feelings?

Murdoc isn't with them, the band. He hasn't been for a while. 2D isn't quite sure what happened that landed the bassist in jail. He supposes that he should have seen this coming.

But he didn't.

He has always wanted to see the good in Murdoc. Even when the older man can't see it in himself. Is this what Stockholm is like? 2D wonders.

Things have been different since a while before Humanz. It's been, well, calmer between 2D and Murdoc. 2D ties it to the calm before the storm, just like it has always been for the two of them.

Except now the storm is completely gone, for now at least, for however long 2D doesn't know. And the weirdest part is, 2D misses the storm. He misses this cynical, angry man that he has known for decades. 

They both have issues, they both know it. 2D feels incredibly fucked up for having grown attached to the satanist a long, long time ago. But at the same time, he truly feels that it's supposed to be this way. He is supposed to miss the man, right?

There is also something incredibly nostalgic to having Ace as a replacement, for more reasons than just one. Gorillaz have a past with Ace.

And Ace is a perfect replacement for now right? 2D asks himself. He's green, he has black hair, he has a mysterious and dark aura and personality.

Except, he isn't Murdoc, 2D knows that especially. Ace is nothing like Murdoc. And for the most messed up reason, a part of him wishes that they were similar.

2D misses Murdoc. A lot.

He misses him when he's singing on stage, when he can no longer look to his left or to his right and see that sharp smile he has known for so long.

  

He missed the call, or rather, he refused to speak on that phone. To be told, by Murdoc himself, that it may be a while before he sees the man again. Noodle and Russ told 2D the news that Murdoc's luck ran out. He's in jail. The phone was right there, clutched in Russ' hand, still on the line.

But 2D turned away. They were messing with him, had to be. Murdoc doesn't just, get caught? Get taken away like this? When things were going so good between them. Why now? Because it wasn't just Murdoc's luck that ran out, maybe it was 2D's as well.

He wanted some type of healthy, relationship, with Murdoc. Didn't have to be a romantic one either, though he supposes he was never really against that thought, but even a good friendship more than sufficed.

And it was happening. Murdoc had less and less breakdowns, he snapped at 2D less and less, it was getting good. 2D was always attached to Murdoc, but it was even more so when things became well. And to the point where, maybe there were deeper mutual feelings involved.

And to have that stripped away? In a snap of fingers, in a blink of an eye, in a beat of a heart, it all just, went away.

If loving you's a felony now, then I'm a renegade, he sings. He sings as hard as he can.

It has been months since Murdoc has been in jail.

It's been months since 2D has seen the man.

It's been months since that phone call.

2D can only imagine what Murdoc looks like now, what he smells like, what he sounds like. Sure, he can do a quick search to see him on his phone screen or his computer screen, but it isn't the same. And often times, that Murdoc on screen isn't his Murdoc. It's a facade. It's someone else. It isn't the man he shares drinks with, the man he has played video games with, laughed with, cried with, made music with. The screen him is only a fraction of the real him.

This is so hopeless, 2D thinks. He thinks and thinks and thinks, looking up at his boring ceiling. 

He does this almost every night, thinking until he is so physically exhausted that he somehow falls asleep, having inner visions of green and one red eye and black nails and black hair and sharp teeth and he's doing it again isn't he? He always thinks of Murdoc.

Is Murdoc angry with him right now? Is he feeling some type of betrayal? Or is he terribly sad? Like he is when he has too much to drink and horrible flashbacks come running to him. When he, in some implicit way, looks so beautiful to 2D.

2D shares so many great memories with Murdoc, and to think that the bassist isn't right next to him like it should be is so baffling. It daunts him to no end.

It is going to be yet another long night.