My book of my randomness

Invisible(unadvisable to read)

WARNING! THIS IS A RANT...

Apparently I just may be a sh*tty ass friend...

Great start to a rant I know...

Snob yes that's what we call others who don't acknowledge you but...

I don't know... I just felt left out?? That They know something that I don't.

Yes I might be snob as that person called me but... Am I really that bad?

I'm not angry at that person whatsoever but I felt bad...

Like I'm a really sh*tty fncked up person.

Am I??

You'll tell me no... Maybe you'll say yes taking my word for it...

I'm an outsider... They call me a friend but sometimes I don't feel like one anymore I'm just a close acquaintance...

It's hormones yes that's it let's blame it on my fncking teenage hormones

"Visibly Invisible" that's my slogan  others are perfectly imperfect and the like but this is mine it's perfect for me... You can see me but sometimes I'm just no there I'm just freaking air you can feel my presence but you don't give an acknowledgement that I'm there...

I might rant on and on about this. Call it my stress and depression reliever.

I just wanted to get all of it out my chest.

I can't tell it to them They might think I'm angry at them or something I'm not stating names that person's my friend.

Failing as a friend hurts, Feeling left out makes my heart clench. it makes me feel terrible

I'm sorry for swearing it just lessens the weight on my chest...

Am I...

Feeling this now I know the difference of Lonely and alone...

This thing's depressing AF... You might say that...

Or Others have experienced much worse well I'm sorry for them and I'm sorta glad that this is only temporary hopefully...

I believe in this quote

"Saying you're sorry does not mean that you are wrong and the other person is right it just means that you value your relationship than your pride"

But what if I felt sorry I even said I'm sorry I may not looked like I meant it but I'm not the type of person that says sorry

In all honesty I feel scared of saying sorry especially to a close friend or relative

It's because I'm scared of the response...

I'm scared to be hated cause even though I may not look like it

I value relationships too much that when it's broken I feel a mental wound...

That takes too slowly to heal

I don't want that to happen I'm scared...

I don't want to be alone. No man is an island doesn't mean that I'm quiet and Don't talk to you all that much that I'm a snob.

That's my nature I'm sorry...

I'm sorry I'm like this

I'm sorry that I don't talk to you that much

I'm sorry I couldn't keep up with all of you

I'm sorry that I felt left out

I'm sorry I called you snob too earlier...

You're not. That's just how I felt just like how you told me that I'm a snob too

Petty revenge?? Yes it is but...

Everytime I go with you guys all I felt is that I'm a tag along just an extra piece of baggage someone who just went to all of you uninvited...

I feel like an annoyance... Just a little nuisance nothing more maybe I feel like a new gadget when I'm new I get all the little attention but New things will get old and will definitely be replaced

Hopefully not...

Guess now I know why I love sensitive characters deep inside I'm like them sensitive easy to hide in their little shell

Their safe haven,their little bubble...

This is all For now thank you for reading if someone ever will read this...

Thanks...

Till next time...