RANTS

my daily life...

so basically I have a really boring life. Its as simple as it gets, yet its confusing for me.

First I wake up and I shower.

Of course I will check my phone, snapchat people, go on instagram, etc.

Then, if its a school day, I get dressed in my uniform. If its not a school day, I get dresssed and wake up my brother and sisters.

Then I would clean up the house so it looks good for my parents.

Then I would watch T.V. until my parents got home.

They would then look at the house, and if it wasnt clean to their standards, I would get yelled at and sometimes get hit.

Then I would clean up some more.

Have dinner...

And then shower again so I wouldnt feel so dirty anymore.

As I'm showering, I would cut.

Wow, another story about a girl who cuts. Ironic right? Some random girls life is so bad that she feels the need to cut.

After the shower I would snapchat my crush.

He would talk to me about life, friends, sports, really anything we had on our minds.

Then, I wouldnt be able to sleep because I have insomnia. I could go days without sleeping.

Then, I would finally fall asleep.

Wake up, repeat.

Wake up, repeat.

WAKE UP AND FUCKING REPEAT IT.

Thats all my life is. Some sad fucking repeat. I wish it was differnt.

I wish i could change.

But I know that i will never be enough for my parents and friends.

I hate when people fantisize cutting.

It make me feel weird and like they dont understand it.

People get in troubke for cutting, but guess what? All it does is make them cut more.

Before I wouldnt cut, but I would take steaming hit baths, to the point where I would burn. I would eat soap and abuse myself.

I like the pain, knowing that I am capable of feeling things.

Now, I feel empty and lonely.

I messed up so badly that my best friend doesnt even care anymore.