An Ordinary Life

Chapter Four

November 12, 1988

I feel the world stop and my heart with it. It's like someone has gone and pushed pause on the whole damn shebang. I admit, part of me wants to rip it up. Let the shredded bits of paper fly on the wind and pretend I never saw a thing. But that's hard to do when you can't move or think or breathe. And I know it can never undo what Rhys has set in motion.

Inez's name c/o Paisley Park Enterprises is printed up in the left hand corner and I read it over and over again. I look around, half suspecting to see that black car and the man with the camera but of course he is gone with the rest of them and I put my hand out to steady myself against the arbor only to feel the sting of thorns cutting into my flesh.

I can't open it. My trembling fingers will have nothing to do with it. I push the letter into the back pocket of my jeans and tell myself I'll get to it later when I find a quiet moment. Only I don't.

Between shopping, greeting and checking in new guests and picking Edyn up from the special education class he attends at the local preschool, the letter stays tucked in my pocket. At some point I toss it onto the bureau in my room and then on second thought, into the top draw, out of sight but unfortunately not out of mind. It pulls at me while I'm cooking dinner and while we are sitting at the table eating. I can't stop thinking of it tucked away up there in my draw. I dread even going back into that room because I don't want to face what's inside that envelope. I'm afraid it will hurt. Tear a big gaping wound in my heart that will never heal. I don't know what to do. His years of indifference were almost more bearable than this.

My father watches me with concern, knowing nothing of any of this yet but sensing something is amiss. I tell myself I will talk to him at some point but the lie has gone on so long it seems easier to continue it than to confess the truth.

* * *

November 13, 1988

I'm leaning over the sun bleached railing, watching the water calmly lapping the side of the dock. It's quiet now with the slow months of winter not far off. I love this time of year, of calm and quiet. Of stillness and peace returning. Oh the tourists still come but not in the droves of summer and San Juan Island is gradually falling back into the welcoming possession of us locals.

I hear heavy footsteps clomping down the dock and I know it's him. When I turn, he hands me a styrofoam cup of coffee from Sadie's across the street and offers me a tentative smile that I don't return.

"You should have gone onboard," he says. "Made yourself comfortable while you waited."

"That's alright," I mumble as I follow him onto the gently rolling boat. "I'm too nervous to keep still anyway," I say as we climb the steps up to the enclosed helm and Rhys unlocks the door and we duck inside.

"Nervous?" He asks, dropping down into his captain's chair and popping the plastic tab on his coffee cup. "What's up? Dad okay?"

I nod my head. "Dad's been fine. He's watching Edyn right now. They were both planted in front of the television set, glued to Sesame Street when I left."

Rhys smiles and sips his coffee. "I was kind of worried when you called asking me to meet you down here; you sounded kind of off and it's not like we've been talking a lot lately."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to speak to you privately," I tell him. "We have all three rooms booked right now and Dad's been acting suspicious..."

"You've got to tell him Emersyn. Don't let him find out on his own."

"I will, I will," I say. I just need time to figure out where this is all going. "If you hadn't gone behind my back, we wouldn't be going through any of this now."