Today is the day I realised for the first time it would be my last time in this house. Driving up this drive at midnight. Or leaving at two A.M. no more sneaking in or out of the window. Today is the day I say goodbye to you. And to everyone else.
Today is the day I realised I was a fool for staying. For wasting an entire year on you. Yes, today is the day I caught you in a lie. Though it isn't the first time. But, it is the first time I called you out. The first time I said enough is enough and walked out that door.
And although you believe I am coming back I can assure you I'm not. Today is the first time I'm seeing clearly. Time is standing still and allowing me to take in every thing I have missed. I will no longer fall victim to your countless lies. Or make excuses as to why you couldn't make it. Yes, this is the first time in a long time I have stood up for myself and said enough is enough.
I gave you more than I could afford. I gave you my heart. And for what? You to shatter it into a million pieces right before my eyes. I don't know if I should be crying or laughing at how stupid I was? To actually believe you would no could change for me. I think no no, I know that I will never and I mean never come back to you. Not even if I was dying. Or if you were the last female on this planet. I'd choose something else every time.
And although I will miss seeing you smile every time I walked in. I won't come back. And it will kill me to delete all these pictures, I'll do it. I know when this actually sets in its going to hurt like hell and I'm going to question why I wasn't good enough, but, I will not text you a 'how are you? I miss you'. No I will never in a million years come back to you. Even if it means no longer waking up to your dark brown eyes and deep dimples. Or feeling your arm draped around my own. I don't care if it means no longer kissing your lips good night or staying up all night whispering our darkest secrets while your parents slept. And although I know I'll miss you, I'll distract myself and keep you a million thoughts away.
When I see you in that bar with him its going to burn every muscle in body. And take every ounce of self control not to beat him into abomination right there. I'll just smile and pretend like I don't even know you. Even though every memory is flooding through my head. Like the first time I met you. You were wearing your favorite blue dress and heels. I thought you were a stuck up egotistical bitch. But man oh man was I wrong. Or the first time I snuck into your room. The room smelled of vanilla and cherries. God how that smell still lingers in my nose. Every memory of us from lying in your back yard to being in my room. From meeting your parents to saying goodbye. From the first time I kissed you to the moment you ruined us.
Every memory will flood into my head. And I'll down a few more shots of tequila. Although I know its going to burn my throat I'll suffer through the pain. I'd do anything to wipe the thought of you away. Because let me tell you whiskey isn't drowning your memory anymore. Your memory is so much stronger.
And even though you think I'm not going to leave. This is it. This is the last time I will ever believe your words and lies. And to think I wouldn't be here right now if I would have believed my ol' man when he said you were no good. A barbie doll pretending to be someone you're not.
In a few weeks this will all really set in. When I'm all alone and looking for something to do. I'll think about messaging you and then realise how bad you are for me. Even though its going to kill me I'll delete our messages. And throw away all our pictures. But even though you have killed me I'd do it all over again.
As stupid as that sounds. I'd take singing our favorite songs in the car. And lying underneath the moonlight watching the stars flicker. Or standing in the pouring rain during our first fight. Yes, I'd do it all over again if it meant I'd end up loving you. Because although you were a toxin that only wanted to drain me of my soul, I fell in love with you. From the way your blonde hair fell down across your face. To the way your hand would rub circles on mine while I was driving. Your bright blue eyes that always said more than your lips ever did. Or the way you'd bite your lip when you got nervous or scared.
I'd choose you over and over again. Even though we break up in the end.
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
Today Is Only Temporary
Não FicçãoWhat happens when you let go? That you finally realise you were not the problem? Because you're not to blame for someone else's mistake. What happens when you finally say enough is enough? And walk away from everything holding you back. Today is onl...
