Shut Up And Kiss Me (Book 1 - Avengers)

~Chapter One: Mr. Stark~

Pepper only left her thoughts as Tony leaned against the dresser again, this time breathing in a sort of rapid fashion. Pepper was up and at his side moments, though... Tony, being the man he was, he put a shaky hand out, as if wanting to handle this on his own.

"I'm fine-..." He said, shutting his eyes tightly, Pepper, as anyone else would have, didn't believe him for a second. She felt the urge to comfort and hold him, make him feel better, but she also knew he needed his space when he had anxiety attacks, especially ones like this.

After a minute or two Tony stood himself up as straight as he could and turned to her wearily, "I'm fine." He seemed to promise as he stared into the worry-filled eyes of his partner, she studied him with her arms crossed in a tired and saddened manner.

That was a blatant lie... he was anything but fine, as of recent Stark had panic attacks somewhere around at least two or three times a day, hell, being alone probably made it worse but he continued to shut everyone out, continued to bottle his feelings up inside. He could sometimes control them but kept them mostly hidden, just let them all shift and move inside until it'd all become a huge ball of knots that Pepper, nor therapy probably, could even begin to unravel.

Pepper, basically giving up, she moved her hand up and set it against his cheek gently, then sighed. "If you-" Tony began,

"If I need you-you'll be in the lab and I shouldn't hesitate to come to get you if somethings wrong, I know..." Pepper cut him off, knowing exactly what he was going to say, she had heard it about a thousand times now. The problem was she emotionally needed him now but he wasn't available, for a while he'd probably be the opposite. He'd be a recluse, as always, causing her little amounts of pain that she'd never tell him about.

Tony smiled just a little bit, a real, heartfelt smile that made Pepper smile just a little too. He never could understand how she was always so patient with him, how she just waited and gave him space so often.

Pepper took her hand away and yawned a little, almost forgetting it was the middle of the night. The mechanic kissed her forehead and changed, getting ahold of himself, he threw on a white shirt and some black sweats then quietly headed out of the room as Pepper waddled over to the bed and curled back up, there was no "I love you." or even a simple "Goodnight." Nothing of the sorts from him or her which he felt somewhat upset about, knowing they were on weird terms and that their relationship was at stake. Lately though, those kinds of worries felt small to him...

Lately, everything was different, ever since he went up with that missile it seemed like he couldn't get away from those feelings. The ones that had made their home deep down in Starks' stomach, fear and pain.

They weren't new feelings to Tony but for some reason this time something was different and he couldn't put his finger on it, he knew if he hadn't done what he did people would have died... a lot of people. But if he hadn't been okay? If he hadn't lived? What would have happened to Pepper, or Rhodey? Natasha Or his newer companions for that matter.

The playboy couldn't say he didn't know them that well because well... He had now worked and fought with them, he almost died for them!

Stark had been willing to if it came to that...

There it was again- Tony stopped a few feet away from the elevator door and leaned against the wall. All he could think about was taking that nuke up and watching it hit its new target, it was almost beautiful watching that thing and the ship get blown to pieces, but then...

Then he closed his eyes... the suit had already died out... and honest to god. He was afraid, afraid he wouldn't make it back to the people that were waiting for him, afraid that this would be how he spent his last moments...