Thoughts

Pt. 1

There are just so many things that are constantly on my mind that but I feel like people don't care about so I guess I'll just share them here. I honestly don't care that I'm putting it out here. I also don't care that the people that might read this or follow me may personally know me. I just feel like as soon as I start to get over a certain thing or person, something triggers me to start things and dwell on it. Like for instance I'm finally over something that happened a little while back and today I started thinking all about it. I hate feeling like as soon as I'm okay, life has a different plan. I just want to be over this. It's been months since it's happened and I was finally over it and of course today everything comes flooding back. Thank god for my friend, we went to go get some food and talk about life and just the thoughts going on in my head. I just don't understand why I still feel like this. I hate letting people Im and really get to know me, the person that I try to hide from the world. My teacher actually said something that made a lot of sense when I was having a rough patch with my mom this month, she said that I use humor to basically shield my real self from the world, almost like a defense mechanism. I hate trusting people because something always happens, I know it. I haven't had the best of luck with being close with people, it just seems like I either waste my time and energy on the wrong person or something happens and we aren't in each other's lives anymore. I just try to shelter the real me because I'm afraid to be hurt again. I want to be open and show the person that no one has seen but I've been hurt to many times. It's just hard to find people who genuinely want to be there for me.