Born for Royalty

Chapter 57

They say that without pain, there is no gain.

Without change, there is no growth.

Without fear there is no hope.

But I think that one day you will thank yourself for never giving up. There were a lot of moments in my life one would think I regret, but without those moments I wouldn't be here today, somehow still not hung but very glad I wasn't.

I watched the water in the lake, the moon shining on the ripples created by the rocks I was chucking into them. 

At times I was my own mystery, not knowing where I was going with this life. I only knew one thing, and that was what my family did, protect, kill, survive and now suddenly I felt like there was more to life.

There was one thing for sure, I could never go back to being a guard for the royal family, I could never protect Nik or anyone else like that but at the same time I wasn't too sad for the loss. But I couldn't go back to being a government agent, a brutal murderer. It came too naturally to me, and that scared me.

Could I sit all day by the lake and watch the waves move on like my life? Well probably not, I would get bored.

It's only been twenty-four hours since the judge said I was not guilty and my fingers were already itching to hold the familiar heavy gun. My legs aches to run and my limbs wanted to stretch, my brain needed a challenge but my heart was at a point in my life where it just wanted everything to be quiet.

I was in a war, with myself. And I wasn't sure who was going to win.

"You're not in bed."

I didn't jump or get scared when the voice caught me off guard, maybe because I was used to hearing far worse in quiet, like a gun shot or a scream. I looked over my shoulder to see Daniel shifting on his feet, no doubt shivering from the cold that I was getting used to.

"I can't sleep." I replied.

Daniel was in his flannel pyjama pants with a thick jacket over the top, his hair was messy and eyes still half shut, "Go back to bed." I told him. 

"I can't sleep without you there."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not even in your room Daniel."

"Exactly," he crouched next to me, crossing his legs unlike me who had them dipped in the freezing water. 

Would they go numb? Would they fall off?

"You should get some sleep. You didn't even sleep last night."

I shrugged, "Not sleepy." I lied. I was really sleepy, I was exhausted but my body didn't want to sleep. My mind was rushing, my brain working over time. Thoughts were running left, right and centre in my brain.

"What are you thinking about?"

I shrugged. There were too many things I was thinking about that I couldn't get much focus.

I did wince however when I felt his warm hand being placed over mine, it was a contrast to the icy cold water around my feet but yet he heated me up.

"Tell me."

"I don't know."

"You do know. You just don't want to talk. That's always been the same with you Sandy."

I sighed, I just didn't know how to talk. I turned my head looking into those chocolate brown eyes and sighed again. "What do I do now?"

"What do you mean? Its four in the morning."

"No...I mean like with my life."

"What do you want to do?"

"Nothing. I don't know, but I want to do something."