A Six-Word Story

Chapter 17

There were times when I wish for the same thing. It's so hard to be world apart from Jeck.

"Just a few more weeks, babe and I'll be home." I said, smiling.

"Yeah." He nods. "Then how long will you stay here again? 2 months? 3?" He heaved a sigh. "You don't even stay here for more than 3 months."

"Babe..." Unti-unting nawala ang ngiti ko. Again I was speechless.

"And oh yeah, sometimes just so we could be together even for just a couple of days or so, I'd have to fly wherever you are. If I was so unlucky, even if I went to another country to see you, You'd be too busy to even spend time with me."

I was stunned, completely taken by surprise. Where did that come from? It just suddenly slipped out. Just like that...

"Y-you never said anything. I t-thought you were okay with..." I shook my head. "I wasn't aware that..." I don't even know what to say. "When did it start?" I asked above whisper.

Tiim ang bagang na nagbaba siya ng tingin. "I don't know." He sighed. "Forget I said anything. I'm just tired."

Ipinatong ko ang mga siko sa mesa at sinapo ang ulo. I can't explain what I'm feeling right now. I'm so confused. I'm filled with confusing emotions.

"When did it start?"

"Babe, it's nothing. I'm just out of sort."

I shook my head. "No, babe. It's not nothing."

"I don't know, okay?" Bahagyang tumaas ang tono ng boses niya. I could hear frustration in his voice. "It just suddenly happened one day. I don't even know how. It just happened, okay?"

I can pretty much guess when it happened. It was that day. The day I didn't say yes. Nakakabinging katahimikan ang namagitan sa amin. I don't know what to say. I'm so scared. I heard him sigh.

"You should've told me..."

"Babe..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin. My eyes are tearing up. "You should've said something earlier."

"How?" He shook his head. "I didn't want to feel this way. I didn't choose this. But I can't help it. I just found myself tired of our set up." I swallowed hard.

"This is my job. I thought you could understand?"

"I do. I always do, right?" He replied sarcastically. Di ako nakaimik. It's scary where our relationship is heading. I don't even want to think about it. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just probably tired and stressed that's why I'm out of sorts. Just forget I said anything." 

I wanted to talk about our problem and try to solve it, but at the same time, I don't have the guts to do so. Natatakot ako na baka mauwi kung saan ang pag-uusap namin. I'm not ready for that. So I nodded.

"Okay."

"I'll just call you again."

He ended the call.

Our conversation left me drained and scared.

I'm so close to getting my dream. I can say that I'm successful to my chosen career. I should be happy, right? I'm almost there and that should be reason enough to be happy. But dammit. I'm not. I'm damned miserable because the love of my life is slipping away from me. I can feel our distance. Not just physically but emotionally. 

I can't feel him anymore. Inisang lagok ko lang ang alak ko. 

"Ano yan, magpapaka-bangag ka?" Said Maki. 

We're in my hotel room. I didn't want to go out just to drink myself to oblivion. "I just want to get a good sleep tonight."

He sneered. "Who are you fooling?"

"I should be happy, right?"

"Yes, you should be." He said, nodding. "But I can see that you're not."

A tear rolls down my cheek. "I'm losing him, Maki."

He sighs. "What are you gonna do about it?"

I shrug my shoulder. "I don't know. I'm scared to talk to him for fear that he might just end up breaking up with me." I run my fingers through my hair. "I feel like we're already heading there, Maki. And you know what's scarier?"

"What?"

"He's not doing anything about it. It's like he's giving up already." I let my tears fall. I don't want to pretend that I'm okay anymore. I'm so tired of smiling and showing others that I'm happy. 

"Here." Inabutan pa niya ako ng bote. "Sige lang. Inom pa. Bakit di mo kausapin, te?"

I shake my head as I laugh miserably. "How can I talk to him when every time I do so, I feel like he's thinking of breaking up with me? It's so hard. I couldn't even tell him what's running in my head kasi alam ko kasalanan ko lahat ito."

"Baka naman nasa utak mo lang yan kasi nagi-guilty ka pa rin sa pag-reject mo sa marriage proposal niya?"

"No, Maki." I said, shaking my head. "A lot has changed since that day."

"Like what?"

"At first, small changes lang. Pero pakiramdam ko habang tumatagal palaki ng palaki. He has changed, Maki. I feel like I have to tiptoe around him and I hate it because I can't be myself anymore. I can't tell him what I think, what I feel."

He held my hand and gently squeezed it. "Then what are you gonna do about it?" I just looked at him. "Are you just going to give him up?"

Am I going to give him up? Can I?