Random Short Stories

Short Story: I Fucking Want To Die

Jessica isn't very good with words but she does understand what's inside the heart of a human being.

Jessica isn't very good with hard work but she does understand the effort people do to earn the things they have and want.

Jessica isn't very good at being compassionate but she does understand that receiving compassion feels good and it helps.

Jessica isn't very smart and isn't very perceptive in fact she's very dense but she sees more than she let's on.

Jessica isn't very comfortable with men in fact more often than not they scare her but she understands that not all men are scary.

Jessica also doesn't have many friends in fact she has one because she understands that the other people in her life will leave her alone should the relationship with her one friend is ever broken.

She doesn't remember what it feels like to be happy because she's depressed. All the time. But she understands that she makes people worry if she shows it. So she doesn't show it.

Jessica has many hobbies because she needs the distractions.

She already knows she has a problem and she needs to stop but stopping is difficult and she can't do it.

"Jessica is a fucked up piece of shit." Jessica says to Jessica. She is standing in front of a mirror.

She hates to look at herself. She isn't pretty but she looks at herself a lot anyways so she could at least make sure she isn't hideous.

She hates her smile. She has big cheeks and her smile looks like a forced smirk. She always looks annoyed.

"Jessica you're pathetic." She says to Jessica hoping that she will feel an urge to tell herself that she isn't pathetic but she doesn't because she knows she is and she never feels the need to defend herself if something is true.

Jessica likes honesty because then she doesn't have to worry if something is said with any double meaning but she understands that many people lie so she ends up worrying anyway. She ends up doubting. She doesn't trust.

Jessica has trust issues because she's been used one too many times. She's been played one too many times. She's been lied to one too many times. She's been betrayed one too many times. She's been hit on one too many times. She's been berated one too many times. She's been verbally abused one too many times... and they all said sorry and that she's at fault.

Jessica believes in forgiving people because to hate drains at her heart, soul and mind but she knows that others don't forgive, don't forget and don't move on. She also knows that it isn't her fault.

"Why am I Jessica?" Jessica asked Jessica everyday.

Jessica is a little overweight because she is an emotional eater. She eats when she's depressed. She eats when she's mad. She eats when she's content. She eats when she's not sad. She eats when she's, I guess, happy.

Jessica knows eating a lot is bad for her health because she isn't stupid even if she tells herself she is everyday. So she does other things.

Jessica likes to keep herself financially troubled because she finds comfort in the objects she surrounds herself in rather than the people that she isn't sure is honest with her or not. When she's struggling with cash she doesn't have to concern herself with going out with people. Being broke is a good excuse to not go anywhere.

Jessica likes to keep herself isolated because she would rather wallow in her depression rather than say awful things to her family which she isn't sure whether they are honest with her or not. Wallowing felt like a safe place where no bad things could ever touch her. It replaces the lack of familial security.