She was sitting in front of me with a glass of wine tugged in her long slender fingers. I silently watched her take small sips from the glass And giggling. A mix of sadness and sarcasm. I felt timid sitting there unable to decide whether she was drowned in wine or pain....
The music playing in the room seemed to fade away once she fixated her gaze on me. Her brown eyes thoroughly scrutinizing as well as piercing my soul. And at that moment i felt naked....naked of all my secrets, feelings, memories.
"I have poisoned that me who used to trust people about their feelings for me"
A wicked grin framed on her face.
I had seriously misjudged this girl's ability to read people. I guess she suspects my feelings for her. Maybe i dropped enough hints like an idiot around her. After knowing her for 3 months, i don't know whether i should be relaxed or worried about this!
"It's okay not to trust people. But why nurture that venom in you?"
I wanted to add 'it's killing you!' With it.
"It's not the poison that prevails!" She took another sip.
"It's the pain, the demolished soul and the broken heart"
"Isn't that too much to bear? You should have dropped this burden by now!"
"Burdens are easier to drop. But when it forms an unbreakable compound with your breathes! You breath air... but i breath my pain each an every second of my life. And sadly i can't quit it as it's my only way of survival"
And she talks like a 100 year old. Unfathomable depths for normal folk in short talks. I thought maybe now i can ask her about her pain, her condition, her cure....
"i know what you are wondering! I will tell you"
She kept the glass on the table and slumped back on the couch.
"You know what the most terrible pain is? When you love someone unconditionally without any expectations and they......they use you just like c*****ms. They force themselves in your life. They fill you with strong feelings. And after sometime they pull you off their life slowly and throw away. After you are well spent. You keep lying there and watch them repeating this whole ordeal with someone else except with a happy climax. You are helpless. You can't do anything. Because the feelings you had for them burn your soul. The memories of the time you spent makes your body burn. You try to rub them off of you but it ignites more fire. Your soul struggle to be free of being trapped inside your body. Every cell of yours scream to you to stop! the unbearable pain grows succumbing you to void And the worst thing...you have to keep on breathing and assemble back your ruins because that needed quantum of solace is out of reach. You try to move on. But some things are unfixable and unforgettable"
She straightens herself and continues to speak.
"And the perks of this... people are no longer attracted to you because of who you are......they feel attracted by your distress. Your cold strong self."
She narrowed her gaze on me making me feel highly uncomfortable. Maybe she's right.
"You know black holes pull stuffs towards them. It's not it's beauty....but the void. Better stay away as far as possible"
With that she gets up and walks away. For once this indirect rejection didn't upset me.....
