"I mean it's great!" I said. The words were spiraling and tumbling out of me."really, you have to come! we can go to Brighton beach, that's were all the Russians hang out, well I've never been there but the train goes there, it's the last stop on the line. There's a big Russian community; restaurants with smoked fish and sturgeon roe. My mother and I always talked about going out there to eat one day. This jewel had told her the good places to go.. but we never did. It's supposed to be great! also, I mean, I have money for school. You can go to my school. No you totally can! I have a scholarship. Well I did but the guy said as long as the money in my fond is used for education it could be anybody's education. not just mine. There's more than enough for both of us! though I mean public school. The public schools are good in New York. I know people there. Public school's fine with me!" I was still babbling when Boris said "Potter" before I could answer him, he put both hands on my face, and kissed me on the mouth. And while I stood there blinking, it was over almost before knew I what had happened. I was trying to stop myself from blurting out the thing on the edge of my tongue, the thing I'd never said, even though it was something we both knew well enough without me saying it out loud to him on the street. "I love you" I had blurted out. My face was burning and so red I could have been mistaken for a tomato. My whole body started shaking and my heart was going crazy. Then I looked at Boris who had started crying, something I didn't even know he was capable of doing. My stomach hurt and I wanted to vomit. How could I let myself ruin our last moments with my confession? I was sure he thought I was disgusting and that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore, even if was leaving. But then he said "I thought you'd never- well I didn't even know you felt the same way.." I was confused. Did he actually love me back? Boris, who had a girlfriend and who I thought was straight? oh god. Now I thought about it clearly for the first time, I wasn't straight. I was gay for my best friend. I looked at him again "wait, do you mean.. you love me too? like in a- in a gay way?" his face was covered with tears and new ones were falling down his cheeks like a waterfall. "Potter, I cuddled you, we had sex.. and what the fuck do you think that kiss was?" I was silent and still confused. "I thought you knew and didn't say anything because you felt nothing for me but didn't want to break our friendship" he said, while still crying. I had started crying too. Then he got closer to me again and looked straight into my eyes. He put his hands slowly on my face again and I put mine on his hips. He kissed me ,and this time, I kissed back. His hands now moving to my hair and mine feeling every inch of his back I could get my hands on. It felt so good, I had tingles all over my spine. Then he pulled away. We stood there, crying, looking at each other for a while. Suddenly I grabbed his arm and said, (maybe even shouted) "come on fuck it Boris! just like skipping school we'll be eating breakfast over cornfields when the sun comes up" I knew him well enough to know that if you asked him the right way at the right moment, he would do almost anything. "Boris.. I have been so afraid of admitting my feelings, who I am to myself for as long as I can remember. But there's nothing unclear here. I fucking love you more than anyone, and I won't let you go." He wiped his face with his other hand and then pulled me in for a hug. "I'd follow you anywhere, kochanek" we noticed the cab soon after. We were both embarrassed that the driver had seen us kissing and holding each other. But we got inside and told him to drive us to a bus station, like nothing had happened. A few minutes went by and then, I reached for Boris' hand, and held it. He held tightly back and let his head fall on my shoulder. I was dazed, the smell of him, beery and unwashed calming me down, yet my heart wouldn't stop racing. We stayed like that, just holding each other, and then slowly, we fell asleep in each others arms.
