the real eve

empty

this doesn't feel right, starting my rant book off like this but she told me to write my feelings so i will

i feel SO empty, artificial almost. i've spent so long trying to figure out who i am but all this time has gone to waste. here i am still clueless as to why i'm still here. i forgot what it feels like to be happy, like there's a huge void in me that i don't know how to fill. nothing nor no one has been able to do so. due to me hating to explain myself to people, i'm going through this alone. there's not a minute in the day where i don't want to cry. i wish i had someone to talk to that won't turn it around on me.

i don't even know myself and that's the scariest feeling, and i've been like this for almost a year. i'm fake towards literally everyone, how am i supposed to show emotion when i don't even know my emotions. i feel like a complete different person outside of my bedroom. it's like i shut my brain off and this completely different person turns on. EMPTINESS IS A FUCKING BITCH