I will never forget

Dante

Dante

For the fourth time this week my back collides with the stone cold wall that's surrounded by the iron bars that haunt me late at night. The pain radiates through my body, but I don't let it show. If I'd just been on time for dinner this all could've been prevented. I just had to forget the time again. 'Worthless fucking bastard, can't even bother to be on time for dinner.' My dad mumbles with his gravelly voice while he slams the heavy iron door closed. Every time the door makes the sound of iron slamming against iron, signaling that the door has fallen into its lock, I flinch further into the wall I try so hard to break down in my sleep every night. I never succeed. 'Dad, please. I forgot the time. Don't lock me in here.' I plead. It's only now dawning on me that he just locked the door with the key he carries with him everywhere. I think it makes him feel powerful. And in some way it does. 'Stop calling me that, du Fickfehler!' He bangs his hands repeatedly as hard as he can against the iron bars whilst yelling atrocious things at me in German. I wish I couldn't understand what he was saying. I slide down the wall and cover my ears to block out the detrimental words he's yelling at me. 'Look at me! Sieh mich an!' My eyes wander from the ground to his washed out grey eyes that imply to have no life left in them. The grey color of his eyes resemble a storm that's getting worse and worse. It's building up to his peak of destruction and then suddenly it's gone. The storm walks up the stairs and out of the basement. The damage is done. And just like every other night I start my endless cries for help, for someone to hear me. For someone to end this suffering. I can't go on like this. But the thing is, no one ever responds. No one. That makes me wonder if it isn't just all my fault.

I get pulled out of my restless night sleep by the wind blowing fiercely through the small window placed just outside the cell, my cell. My body is shuttering all over, it feels like I'm disconnected from life and I'm stuck in someone else their body with no way to get out. Stuck forever. No, not stuck. Misplaced, I wasn't supposed to be here. I get up from the cold floor and stretch my back to make the stiffness go away. It's quite wistful to think that this is my life, it's starting to become the norm to me. A second nature. One life outside in what could be a beautiful world full of possibilities and one life in this ghastly place that seems to have no ending. With the storm that keeps returning so many times a week, one might call it a natural disaster. I breathe in the stuffy air of the basement, even with the window open it feels abandoned and suffocating. Hypothetically it should've just stayed that, but my dad had other plans for it. Plans I didn't want to be part of, but now was so involved I couldn't find a way out. I lift my wrist to see what time it is, I feel somewhat relieved when the antique watch, my pops gave to me, tells me it's only six o'clock yet. I truly do hope he'll let me out before seven this morning so I can still go on my daily run. It's what keeps me sane in this place that's everything but that. My heart starts thundering in my chest, both of excitement and dread, when I hear the sound of hefty footsteps nearing the door. I take the few steps I'm able to take back and feel my back touching the frozen wall, I get startled by the sudden unpleasant feeling and jump forward. Memories of the previous nights and all nights before that all at once enter my mind and I feel strikingly overwhelmed. It makes my head spin so much, that I wobble backwards and when I finally am able to look up I see not two grudgeful grey eyes staring me down, but four. 'I do not want to hear a word out of you today! Not one!' He commands ferociously. When the door of my cell opens I fall out and gulp for air, every time I'm in there I feel like I'm drowning. I forget how to breath and feel like I'm being thrown into the deep dark waters of my imagination with an anchor tied around my waist. There's no possible way out. 'Oh, get over yourself.' I'm left all alone in the room.

I watch the minutes passing by while I try to slow down my jagged breathing, when five minutes finally have past I race up the stairs, two steps at a time. Barely a minute later I'm outside with my running shoes, schoolbag and an delicious apple in my hands. 'This will have to do.' I mumble and take a big bite out of the much needed source of energy. I walk to the bus stop and drop my bag on my usual spot, in the overgrown bushes that surround a marvelous Red Maple tree. It breaks my heart to see that the people in this town give those beautiful red trees no respect. Shouldn't red be the color of romance, and thus the color of love? 'It's just a tree.' I try convincing myself while I tie up my shoes, but I know I won't ever look at that tree as 'just a tree'. I throw my old and damaged black vans on top of my bag, after I've plugged in my earbuds and take off down the street. My feet slap onto the concrete with every step I take faster. I take in big gulps of air that bite deep into my lungs, I keep going. The houses I leap past are all becoming one big blur, I'm going fast. Somehow my raging mind is still a few steps ahead of me, I face forward and begin sprinting. I've never ran so long in this pace, adrenaline is coursing through my veins. I'm astonished in so many ways when I see 'Dyer rd.' written on the street sign just ahead of me. 'Holy fuck.' I manage to get out between short gasps, that sign means I am already half way back. I take a few powerful strikes forward, which causes my leg muscles to burn.