Drafts

Drafts Day One

"Would you just let go of me!"

"No! I'm trying to help you! Why can't you understand that!"

"Why can't I understand that? Why can't you understand that I don't want your help!"

"Why? I just want you to get back to a normal life!"

"Because I'm past helping, we all are! I don't know if conveniently forgot, but we've been in here a lot longer than you have."

"Well if you believe you can't get better you won't, you have to believe Gwen!"

"Believe? I don't know what world you're living in but here it's not a fucking fairytale. And I'm past getting better. You have a life to live outside of here, we don't. This little temporary hell you're living in is our entire life now. Because guess what, you may get to leave after six months but the rest of us are stuck here. In fact, until we're twenty-one, Grayson, Asher and I will never see the outside world. And when we do we're going to be on the streets begging for pennies or in some dirty place being paid for sex. That's why I don't want your damn help."

I was stunned, I never heard any of them admit defeat like that. I looked at Grayson for support but we just looked at me with regret in his eyes. I turned to Asher but he refused to look me in the eyes.

"Fine Gwen, live your life like that. But just so you know, I was never going to abandon you when you were released, but now, you can find someone else." And with that, I turned away and walked out of Cloud Nine for the last time.

I found myself sitting on a bench down the block by myself, regretting everything I just said to Gwen. Then, a familiar face sat down next to me with that warm smile I had been missing.

"Hey Lil, you okay?"

"Do I look okay?"

"Well no, I don't think anyone would be okay after hearing that. Look, I'm sorry for pretending I was getting out of here with you."

"Gray, you seemed so serious when you talked about it, why lie to me like that?"

"Well, when I first got here like you did I did think like that. But after I made more mistakes and I realized the reality of my situation I lost hope. When I dreamed about getting out with you, I felt that spark of hope come alive again. It was nice having a fresh, optimistic face in here for awhile. Thanks for letting me dream kid." Grayson replied as he put his arm around me and pulled me closer.

"Gray, why do you guys think like that? I mean sure it might take some time but you guys will be released. And you can live normal lives after all this."

He smiled a bit, "You're naive Lils. I don't mean that in a bad way, more of an adorable little kid way." I looked at him with confusion. "Look, when you get out you get to continue your life, people won't judge you for being in here, it will be seen as one mistake. For us, we're delinquents, no one will hire us or let us rent their property. We made mistakes and know that costs us our lives. Yeah, we're breathing but we will never live again."

My heart broke as the words left his mouth, out of everyone at the center he always held the most hope. But now he was accepting a grim future.

"So, did you just expect us to go our separate ways and to move on to someone else?" I said was a tear rolled down my cheek.

He wiped it with his thumb, "Lily Jacobs, you are my fantasy. In a perfect world, I would come home to you after work and give you a kiss on the cheek, we'd live in our suburban home with a white picket fence and three kids, maybe a golden retriever. We'd go old together and sit on our front porch in matching rocking chairs drinking sweet tea and watching our grandkids run around in the yard. But this isn't a perfect world, it's the real word, and it sucks but it's all we've got. And maybe if I met you sooner we could live in that perfect world. But we don't, and this is the situation we're stuck in. And I never meant to hurt you, but I thought if I held onto you long enough everything would be better. But the more time goes on the more pain I'll put you in. And that's why this is goodbye Lils."

I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks as he stood up and walked away. I felt my heart shattering into a million pieces and my stomach lurching. But I couldn't say anything as he disappeared. So I sat there, an ugly mess on a bench in the middle of no where as my life felt apart around me and I could do nothing to stop it.