it's not that justin expected anything else. he isn't blind. he has seen how friendly chengcheng is to everyone, how accommodating and kind and sweet he is regardless to whom he's speaking, and he knows that chengcheng has no reason to see him as anything special. he simply invited justin out of common courtesy, the same he would do for any of his friends. there's no way he singled out justun, not when justin is the boring kid who sits at the back of the room and doesn't really bother making friends or socializing, who holds no appeal whatsoever other than the fact that his grades are slightly above average. when it comes down to it, justin is honestly lucky enough to even be able to say that chengcheng pays him any mind at all.
so of course chengcheng is spending time with xiao gui, a close friend he hasn't seen in a while. of course chengcheng wouldn't spend the whole party at justin's side, that would be an asinine request and completely absurd considering how many people who are present that are acquainted with chengcheng in some way. of course anyone in their right mind would want to be around someone like chengcheng, who lights up any room he enters as if he's the sun himself, bright and shining... dazzling. xiao gui has every right to cling and hang off the other boy in ways justin has only dreamed of doing, because who in their right mind would be able to resist?
but even knowing all this, there's still the smallest part of justin (which may not be so small, now that he thinks about it) that he had mistakenly allowed to hope. gope for what, he isn't entirely sure. maybe he tried to read something that wasn't there, something in the way chengcheng 's smile had seemed so genuine, as if he really and truly wanted to take justin alone to this party, and the flash of relief in the depths of his eyes when justin had accepted. maybe he misunderstood the way chengcheng had shown up early to his dorm room, waited patiently while he finished getting ready and offhandedly commented that justin looked good when they were on the way to the party, his cheeks tinged an odd pink that justin couldn't explain.
that must be it, right? there's no way chengcheng meant anything by any of it.
damn it. damn this party. damn fan chengcheng for this stupid mess he's in. justin picks up a fourth drink and downs it in a single gulp, wiping his mouth on his sleeve before tossing the cup haphazardly into the trash. he decided not to question whether or not the liquid is alcoholic before he started drinking but the fuzziness that's starting to infringe on his thoughts makes him think it most likely was.
whatever. it doesn't matter. he should just go home.
