• p e r f u m e •

11. t e r r i f i e d

"Yeah, I mean it's not like everyone is busy or something but I want to go with you..... I've always wanted to go with you" she said.

How can I even deny after she said that?

"Sure" I smiled and she grinned.

"Now let's have the dinner quickly and go" I said and she nodded.

We had our dinner as soon as possible and left for the concert.

On our way to the venue she asked me where Nia was. I told her honestly how we got in an argument this morning and she went away and didn't come back the whole day.

She'll come back when she cools off. She always does.

Bella's grip on my hand was tight as we made our way to our seats in the front row.

She was too excited and as he popped up on the stage, she screamed with the rest of the crowd which made me laugh.

His very first song itself had reduced everyone to tears, including Bella.

I was too, holding back the lump in my throat. I like him but I was never as obsessed as Bella is.

I thought that his songs get too sad sometimes. But right now as I stood here with my hand intertwined with Bella's, I could feel all his words.

My control on my emotions was strong, but that was until he started singing this one song that seemed as if, it was tailor made for me. It was called 'terrified'. The lights dimmed as he started singing.

"Well, it's hard to explain
How it got this way
And people only wanna' know why
I wish I had an answer that would make it okay
But, the truth is I'm just terrified" he sang and I tried to hold back the tears but they pierced the back of my eyes and blurred my vision.

I looked down at our connected hands. I am terrified. Terrified that I might lose this grip.

Its funny how I wanted her to go away so bad and now that she was giving me some signals about it, I don't want her to. I'm suddenly very afraid of a life without her.

"And I don't need to remember
But I wanna' forget
Cause there's a hole in my head where
I hide my regret
Now I'm terrified
Now I'm terrified" I felt the warm tears slip down my face.

I don't think it was the song anymore. I just felt like I miss Bella even though she's right beside me. I felt like she was already, very far away, not as near as she seemed anymore.

"But I don't wanna' be your boy, I wanna' be your man
But something's got me wrong inside
And I'm looking for the answer I don't understand
And, darling, I am terrified
I'm terrified that maybe, I wasn't cut out for this
You know I'm terrified that maybe, I wasn't cut out for this" I deserve it anyway.

She gave up everything for me and I'm giving her this in return. I don't think we can ever go back to being the way we were.

I felt her look at me but I didn't dare to look back at her.

"Justin?" She said as she saw me crying.

"Oh, it's just the song" I said and tried to wipe my tears away.