To live and let go, it's my goal. I don't ever want to think about what's going to happen I want everything I do to be spontaneous. And I'll let go of everything that has no importance to me. This, this is how I want to live my life. No other way seems good enough. Besides what's the point in living a materialistic life. A scheduled, boring life, the one that everyone lives... Being born, going to school for 20 some odd years, working, retiring, then death.
Everything else in life is just fluff. Unimportant to anyone or anything. We all have these lives planned out for us. Besides what's the point in doing all this if it doesn't bring us joy or happiness. We won't be remembered anyways... Not unless we do something above and beyond everyone else. Still, even then we will be forgotten after time.
Speaking of time, time sucks! It's completely man made and is used for so called "organization" which is quite boring. It's irrelevant to me. I think it sucks because they made it to manipulate us into doing things to their content. We are all just nothing of importance. Little specks of nothingness. We are irrelevant.
My plan is to not have to deal with things that don't bring me joy or happiness and everything is spur of the moment. My life began when I decided this. I needed that little bit of happiness and the feeling of success. My life depended on it.
I don't think life is worth living, not because it sucks so bad that I want to die, but to the point that everything is irrelevant. This might be the depression talking inside my head, but it's apart of me now. Ivery been wanting to get rid of it, but now I just except that it's happening and I don't want to deal with it. So I either ignore it and do crazy things that give me happiness for a few split seconds or I just let it consume me to the point were I never want to leave my bed. So that's why I want to be so spontaneous, is so that I get the slight sliver of happiness every now and then. Hoping that this is to show that I have other feeling other than a confusing mix of sadness and other feelings that's hard to describe.
