Pillow thoughts

it's been a while

It's been a while since we last spoke.
I've almost completely forgot what you look like.
How's your family? How's life been? You've been doing good, well that's great! I've been good too, at least that's what I tell you. But the truth is so much harder to talk about.
The truth is, I'm not okay.
Not even in the slightest, I want to die.
But I don't necessarily want to kill myself I just want to stop breathing, I want to delete my existence even though death is the one thing I fear the most but you know that. Don't you?. Remember when we used to stay up until 3 in the morning talking about how we feel, and how fucked up this world is and all we've ever wanted to do is leave.

It's been a while since I last felt okay, skipping meals and lying to all pretending like nothings wrong although on the inside I'm drowning, struggling to stay afloat.
Death is such a beautiful yet terrifying thing so why would I wish that upon myself?