She always looked so happy. My sister was beautiful. She had light glowy skin, big blue-gray eyes, and the longest hair I had ever seen. Her voice was so soft and pretty and whenever she would sing everything in the world seemed to slow down. I only got to see every two or three months, and as the time between each visit got longer I'd wonder if I would ever see her again. For about ten years I did and she was always there to reassure me that I had been over thinking, that everything would work itself out, until I didn't see her again. He was so mean to her, my dad. I always felt like he didn't want her around bothering him, and I could tell she felt it to. She was the only person I wanted around, though. She was the nicest person I knew and I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.
The house was very dark, even when all the lights were on. It was just a building, no memories, no family to live in it. It wasn't anyone's home. The little movement coming from the slightly open curtains made everything seem as if it was moving. For a while I could see the stars moving, but it didn't last very long. Nothing in that house ever lasted. I didn't know what was happening or why it was happening but i knew I was very afraid. Their voices bounced off the walls making everything around us shake, I cried to myself because I knew exactly what was happening. My cheeks throbbed as I clenched my throat, I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to see it , I didn't want to feel it, and I didn't want to believe it.
"Nobody cares what you do, everybody pretends it doesn't happen. I'm not stupid enough to stay here!" I could hear her pain. She was crying , her voice shaky, her teeth hitting hard against every word, her nose roughly breathing in and out as if it would be the last time. She was afraid. We were both scared out of our minds. I didn't want to feel it then nor did I want to accept that she was feeling it, but now I wish I was there to comfort her.
A couple minutes went by and I heard everything go silent. I didn't want anyone to know that I heard it, but they knew. They just looked at me their eyes burning dirt like holes in my back. I felt myself crumbling, I couldn't be there. I refused to see any of it. I shut my eyes really tight and counted to a hundred. After a while I realized that nobody was anywhere near me and I was only hiding from my own thoughts.
For a moment I didn't know what to do or what to think. I felt so guilty, I didn't help her, I didn't do anything. Without thinking I stood up to find her. My feet felt heavy, the rest of my body wasn't in agreeance. Before I could take a step she was walking toward me, the floor softly moaning as she made her way across it. I didn't know what to say of if I should say anything. I just looked up at her, trying to find her eyes, but there was nothing but emptiness in her.
Her voice was dark, I didn't recognize it at all " What are you doing in here Bea, you're supposed to be sleeping"
"M- mia, I-i wanna go h-home". I tried not to sound mean, but I wanted her to feel that I meant it. I knew she wasn't listening though, she was going to be fake, she was going to lie.
"You're going to leave me already? What did I do to deserve that?" She was upsetting me, I wanted to tell her how fake she was being, but didn't want to make things worse for her. She deserved so much better and I wished I could give her that. So I decided to be fake with her, because that's the kind of relationship we had built with one another.
Despite the ninety-five degree weather, it felt so cold between us the next day. Every small movement one of us seemed to jump at the thought of the other starting a conversation. I just wished I would have told her I loved her, that I thought she was amazing. I watched as she wrote on the piece of paper, every fiber in my body wanted to ask her what she was writing. I was mad at her, it was worse than the time she left me in Walmart alone to go and talk to a boy. Much worse than the time I had a tantrum in Yogurtland because she lost the ring I'd given her. I wanted to tell her how angry I was back then, before I knew what would happen next.
She would look up at me every once in a while, it felt like an embrace, a huge warm hug. Except, I didn't accept it. The floor creaked and I quickly turned toward the door even though I knew what was coming, I was excited. As my father walked in, his feet hitting the ground rough and fast immediately I felt guilty. He didn't speak to anyone, he only glanced at us smiling. She didn't make eye contact with him, I was so glad that I cracked a small smile. From then, I didn't expect anything to happen. I thought we would be able to talk it out, maybe I could ask her about what I heard the night before.
It all happened so fast. I couldn't keep up with all that was happening. Before I could process what was happening she was running out the door. I started to walk toward the door, waiting for her to walk back inside. After ten minutes went by, I started to get a bad feeling. I waited for another thirty minutes and I could suddenly feel tears rushing down my face, I sat at the door as if I was waiting fir something but she wasn't coming back. I waited there for what felt like hours, days even, waiting for her to come back.
Not only was she gone, not only was she afraid and alone, she wasn't coming back.
