Painted

Chapter 1 - Gray

Have a nice trip.

I wrote without much emotion to my boyfriend.

Thanks, I will. Take care.

I love you.

Love you too.

I rolled over my bed and set down my phone on the bedside table, rolling back over onto my back and staring at the ceiling. The bright light blinded me so I covered my eyes with the crease of my elbow, letting out a sigh of frustration.

Declan was going on a school excursion to New York for a week but I wouldn't be seeing him for another week after that because of some holiday our school had. I was going to miss him but I didn't expect him to, because he's going there with his best friend, Bree. Besides, he was going to have a lot of fun in New York. There wouldn't be much room for me on his mind.

I sat up from my bed and looked at the full length mirror that stood beside my bed. Dark brown hair, thrown into a bun. Black eyes. Huge, black nerd glasses. White tank-top and black shorts. That was me. Black and white. Boring.

I envied Bree. She was the perfect Eurasian mix with a pair of hazel eyes that held a hint of gold. Long, golden-brown hair. Rosy cheeks. Pale face.

Her and I didn't have the best relationship. She was controlling and got what she wanted and I would be the one that's controlled like a Marionette with strings attached to my joints. I kept my distance when I found out and she didn't like that. She was red for a while.

That sucks, because my boyfriend, Declan, is her best friend. He's someone you would call.. Clueless. He doesn't realise that by being with Bree, he's driving me away. He's unbalanced and he doesn't seem to acknowledge the effect that has on me. He's maroon - purple with a bit more red. Unbalanced.

I don't want to blame Declan for being that way, simply because I respect that him and Bree are close friends. But to treat me the way he treats her - like just another friend, my colors for him were slowly starting to fade back to gray and I don't know if he notices.

I gave myself one last glance in the mirror before I hopped off my bed and headed over to my desk to finish the work that needed to be done by tomorrow. I sat, typing away at my computer, watching the black letters appear against the white screen, slowly filling the blank spaces up.

One glance at the clock and I read 8PM. Another glance after what seemed like 5 minutes later, the clock read 11PM. I realised that I'd have to wait 8 more hours until Declan arrived in New York. Sighing once more, I plunged into my work once again, hoping to get it done soon so that I wouldn't have to stay up all night again.

Or was it to distract myself from other problems and stress?

***

1AM and I was finally in bed. The world was a much darker range of grays and blacks and my eyes struggled to adjust itself to the
darkness.

I laid on my back, staring silently at the ceiling as I had before. It was late but my mind seemed to refuse to let me go to sleep.

I bet he's on the plane next to her

I was jealous. I was jealous of how close Bree was to Declan. I was jealous of how Bree knew Declan as much as I knew him, maybe even more. I was jealous that their friendship meant just as much to him as our relationship.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

I was selfish.

That's right. I just wanted him for myself. I wanted his unconditional love and wholehearted attention. I felt like I had given him so much but I had gotten nothing in return.

Tears started to pool in my eyes as the dark room became even blurrier. For every blink, a tear rolled down on each side of my temple.

Blink.

Tear.

Blink.

Tear.

Thoughts started filling up my mind so fast that I didn't have time to push them away and the silence of the room seemed to amplify the thoughts that were pushing themselves into my head.

My mind replayed the time I had talked to him about my selfish needs a couple days ago.

"I don't like how you're constantly with Bree at school but you never really care if I'm there or not." I had said.

It had taken me so much to let that out of my chest.

"She's my best friend." He simply replied.

"I'm your girlfriend. And you know I don't feel comfortable around her." I shot back.

"Well, I don't feel comfortable around your group of friends either."

"You have no idea how often I leave them just so I could go and find you and be with you."

"You know that I'm Bree's only friend." He was tired of hearing me complain.

"Decla-"

"You know what, fine. Okay, I'll talk to her about it."

There was so much I wanted to ask him.

Talk to her about what?

Do you even want to spend time with me?

What am I to you anymore?

But I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to push him over any further.

More hot tears.

The clock ticked steadily, filling in the silence of the room as the tears slowly started to stop.

I shut my eyes and calmed my breathing. It slowed down my frantic thoughts until they were no more and I could only hear the buzzing in my ears.

With a couple more deep breaths, I was able to steady myself and close my eyes again, covering them again with a cloak of darkness.

You're fine.

You're over-reacting.

If you don't mean that much to him, he shouldn't mean that much to you either.

But I love him.

Or do I?

I felt myself falling into a deeper shade of gray.

And then just black.