Lover, Fighter

Farewell my love

Thorin was being held down by five of his men. After witnessing your fall in the middle of the plain against the bear who was bigger than you, he went berserk.

He wanted to run to you, to make sure you were still alive, not dead as everyone else seemed to assume. But as Gandalf kept telling him, the bear could lurk somewhere nearby, not to mention the orc pack that was hunting them, so it wasn't wise to rush outside.

Wise? Thorin turned his infuriated gaze toward the wizard and let loose all his frustration, his anger, his grief at once. With a pained scream, he tried to attack the wizard but Dwalin saw that and at the last minute pinned his friend to the ground, silently sharing his king's and friend's pain of loss.

"Wise?! You got to be joking!! That wasn't what you said when she attacked that bear alone!" Thorin yelled from under Dwalin staring at Gandalf his blue eyes blazing with fury, tears running down his cheeks as he tried desperately to get back on his feet.

"Calm down Thorin..." Gloin tried to say, but Thorin would not hear about it.

"Don't tell me to calm down! I'm not calming down! I want to be with her, she just died in front of us, we didn't do a damn thing to help her... she died alone... she..." Thorin's voice finally was failing and he covered his face with his hands when Dwalin rose so Thorin could sit properly.

The company couldn't comfort their leader, all they could do was watch as Thorin broke down in front of them thinking his beloved lying on the cold ground never to rise again and smile at him, telling him that everything would be all right.

Nobody said a word. Quiet sniffles surrounded the company as they settled for the night. Except for Bilbo, who sneaked out when he was sure everyone was asleep.

Bilbo walked cautiously toward your body trying to keep his breathing steady but it was hard, it was so hard because all he wanted to do was cry but he forced himself to calm down and keep walking.

The moon was illuminating his path and hundreds of stars twinkled in the night sky almost as to offering him some comfort.

Finally, he was standing in front of your body and he clenched his jaw, fisting his hands as his hazy gaze wandered on your stilled figure. Light breeze got caught on your silver-white fur that seemed to shine even whiter when the moonlight hit it, and hair on your side and neck moved along the breeze. Bilbo broke down and falling to his knees wept at your side, muttering endless apologies to you, hoping that you would forgive them.

"It was her choice...." a deep, quiet voice came behind him, startling the poor hobbit. Turning to look behind him, Bilbo saw Thorin standing there with a harrowing expression on his face as his teary gaze roamed over your wolf form.

Silently he walked in front of your head and kneeled down, lifting his hand Thorin stroke lovingly your forehead feeling your fur's roughness between his fingers.

"Amràlimè...I have failed you as a partner, as a lover and future husband. I wasn't there to protect you when you needed it. I let you die alone on this plain...I am so sorry..." Thorin's voice failed him again, and he hangs his head low trying to compose himself.

He wasn't by your side when you lost your life, but he wanted to make sure his goodbyes to you were full of love and adoration that he felt toward you. He wanted to make you his queen, his wife, mother of his children and now none of that would happen. Thorin ran his hand over your head, touched your ear gingerly stroking your blood-stained neck before letting his hand drop to his side as he took a ragged breath staring at your closed eyes.

"Bunnanunê...Uzfakuh...Gimlelul...Kurdûh zu akhûnith, Nê kikûn inthir...." Thorin whispered to you pressing his forehead against yours trying hard not to burst into tears. He felt so lonely, so helpless for the very first time in a long time and he didn't like it, he couldn't handle that, he just couldn't.

Bilbo was still standing where he had been standing ever since Thorin appeared behind him. He didn't understand the words that Thorin had said, but he understood the meaning behind them. The way he said those words, his expression on his face, the unconditional love that shone in his eyes when he looked at you.

"Innikh d-ê..." was the last thing Thorin whispered until he broke down hiding his face to your neck and cried his pain, his grief, his love to your fur, grabbing a fistful of your hair in his hands. He couldn't believe you were dead, and he refused to move from your side that night.

When morning came dwarves were sitting at the table quietly eating their breakfast while Gandalf talked with Beorn who had apologized for taking life from Thorin's One but Thorin didn't accept it. He growled if the size difference weren't so great, he would avenge his beloved's death in a heartbeat and after stating that he stormed out.

Gandalf sighed, turning to look at Beorn.

"You need to reach the mountain before the last days of autumn?" Beorn asked, looking at the group around his table before landing his gaze to the wizard.

"Before Durin's Day falls, yes," Gandalf answered, trying to sound cheerful.

"You're running out of time,"

"Which is why we must go through Mirkwood," wizard retorted earning little-confused looks from the company.

"Darkness lies upon that forest. Fell things creep beneath those trees. There is an alliance between the Orcs of Moria and the Necromancer in Dol Guldur. I would not venture there except in great need." Beorn told Gandalf taking a glance at the company noticed that everyone's attention was on him now.

"We'll take the Elven Road. That path is still safe," Gandalf tried to assure the skin-changer, but the look on his face tells Gandalf that he's failing.

"Safe? The Wood-Elves of Mirkwood are not like their kin. They're less wise and more dangerous. But it matters not." Beorn said sitting down, leaning against the backrest of his chair.

"What do you mean?" Balin suddenly asked, worried.

"These lands are crawling with Orcs. Their numbers are growing, and you are on foot. You will never reach the forest alive."

Hearing that everyone's shocked, looking at each other worriedly. Ori whispered to Nori how he wished that you would be still among them, and Nori couldn't say much to that, only nodding his head.

As Beorn's and Gandalf's talks went on, Bilbo walked outside and found Thorin sitting on the stairs, a blank expression on his face like he didn't care anymore.

"Thorin?" Bilbo mumbled and saw Thorin slightly turning his head to look at him then turned his gaze forward saying nothing.

"I think Gandalf has come up with a plan on how we can reach Mirkwood without getting caught by Orcs," Bilbo told sitting down next to the pained king but he could tell Thorin wasn't interested.

All Bilbo could do was silently wish that Thorin wouldn't do anything rash like attack Beorn or abandon the quest now that you were dead. This was Thorin's turning point and everyone was hoping he would choose the right way.

Sighing, he stood up and gazed toward the plain before turning to walk back inside.

Translation:

Bunnanunê = my tiny treasure

Uzfakuh = my greatest joy

Gimlelul = my brightest star

Kurdûh zu, akhûnith, Nê kikûn inthir = You hold my heart, little one, never forget

Innikh d-ê = return to me