don't leave me alone ;; holtzbert

erin the nosebuster

for once in her life, erin thought she was respected as a researcher and people actually believed in what they did. she was (somewhat) over all the shit her childhood threw at her, but this was different - they were adults! people should be believing them! they're stalking and capturing ghosts, goddammit! that's a whole new level of science! they should be respected!

but no. instead of people praising them, wanting interviews and funding their business, the newspaper wrote about how erin wrecked that stupid guy's nose and how crazy they all are.

she tried to not to think about it. holtzmann, in the other hand, just crawled next to her on the booth and opened the newspaper that was laying in front of erin. for a short moment she thought that holtz was just gonna take it away from erin like it was a dangerous weapon but no. she opened it and started reading.

"aww! look, erin!" she poked the redhead's shoulder to take her attention. erin's eyes were nailed on the closed tv, her expression mortified. holtzmann poked her shoulder again, no avail. holtzmann has never seen erin this badly in her thoughts. she knew that erin tend to do that, but now she was getting really worried.

"anyway, uh," she reads the page further. she can't help but smile at the photo of basset hound. she tries to look if erin is looking but her eyes are still on the tv screen. and it's weird because erin loves dogs, maybe more than holtzmann does and that's a lot!
"erin, please. look at the dog! it is so cute! can you look at it? please?" holtzmann grabs erin's arm lightly and shakes her, making erin finally look at the page.
"it's cute. what does it do?" she asks softly, still not being able to focus on the dog instead of the bad feeling inside her.
"the dog? um, it visits the movie theater like it would be a human. though it doesn't pay tickets... i wouldn't charge that little fella! i even would give it all the snacks for free, my money and my wife."
erin can't help but snort. holtz often uses that phrase, 'take my money and wife' but she isn't sure if she could because holtz has like twelve dollars on her account and what she has understood, she has no wife.
"do you even have one?" she asks, deadpanning holtz who seems proud with herself, finally getting a reaction out of erin.
"a dollar? no, i just bought a slushee. a wife? eh, the position is open. would you be interested?" she asks, nudging erin with her elbow. erin feels how her cheeks start to get some pink on them. she might not want to admit it but every time holtzmann says sweet words to her or flirts, she feels all warm and tingly inside. but of course she can't admit that.
"no... thank you for the offer, though. i think i will stick to my current job now. but i bet someone will gladly take that position."
holtzmann shrugs.
"i don't know. i don't want just anyone to take that position..." she says casually and opens the newspaper again.

erin places her hand on holtzmann's.
"no more basset hound. what does it say about me?" she asks, still not sure if she wants to know after all. as holtz moves to read another page, abby and patty walk to the room, abby moving closer to the tv to open it. holtzmann quickly reads the page from the top to the bottom.
"uh... right. the ghostbuster er— you know what, it's not that interesting. it's very well written but not very flattering!"
erin stretches her neck so she could see but holtz throws the newspaper to the other side of the booth.
"look, erin... my beautiful tropical fish. it's nothing you should worry about—" she tries but erin is already a scooping through her phone, reading the digital version of the article. holtzmann groans and leans back.
"there we go..."

"what—i am not... they say everything about my childhood ghost here! they interviewed dan!" erin whimpers, scrolling down the article with panicked expression. holtzmann frowns. she has never seen erin like this - she knew she is very anxious person in general but now she looks like a dog that's about to give birth. not so good. she hopes she could do something about it...
"stupid dan," abby interrupts holtzmann's thoughts by huffing loudly. "always being a pain in the ass. i thought his life would have given him some pain in the ass!"
patty lets out a loud laughter that roams around the lab/abandoned chinese restaurant eating hall. erin tries to laugh but she doesn't make it.
"haha... yeah..." she locks her phone with a loud click. holtzmann is, again, confused about what is going on. why are the other girls just laughing? don't they understand that there is a whole new level of sadness in erin's eyes? those beautiful blue eyes are not deep like ocean now, they're bright and full of tears erin tries to stop making it through her tear ducts! why aren't they helping her? they know that holtz can't help her, she is not good with people and especially with a very cute one!

abby puts some more volume to the tv. there is an interview and it's erin's old boss. it's—no! it's harold, erin thinks and she starts to have real struggles with calming her racing heart and lungs.

he is mocking erin on tv. how he fired her and how she always was 'weird' about physics. erin has to hide her face in her hands. she is so embarrassed and so sure she won't make it alive to home. some gang must beat her up, laugh at her. just like in her childhood...

"erin, don't worry about him. he is old and stupid. he doesn't know what he is talking about," abby tries and the interview ends... only to continue with abby and holtzmann's old boss. it's abby's time to be embarrassed and mad.
"no! you do not know what you talk about! you don't know how to spell 'science', how would you know about paranormal activity?" abby is screaming at the tv and patty joins her soon.
"i don't even know this guy but he pisses me off! hey, dude! stop trashing me and my girls!"

erin has to get out of here. all the bad memories are coming up, the current feeling of anxiety and never being enough are breaking her heart.
"i, uh... i am going to go,"  she gets up quickly. holtzmann looks at erin and lifts her hands behind her head.
"are we going to go and look for that basset hound?" she asks softly, erin shaking her head.
"maybe some other time."

it takes just a few seconds for her to grab her coat and leave, but holtzmann gets this awful feeling that maybe there will never be that 'other time' and honestly, it starts to freak her out.